I hold on to his hand,
pleading to him not to let it go,
but he ignores me and walks away.
I seize the top of his shoulder,
and pull him back to me,
but he pushes me away.
I scream out his name over and over,
begging him just to hear me out,
but he grabs his bags,
and he walks out the door.
I run after him,
and I watch him go aboard.
I never knew I would lose him,
not to them..
Not to them.
I stand there,
as it starts to rain.
I don't move, I just stare at him.
I just watch him stagger aboard on the bus.
His head turns towards me,
and for a moment I think he's coming back,
I stand there out of hope as I see he whispers to me:
"I promise I'll be back"
I denied to hear such a lie,
I turned away and walked off.
The sound of the bus taking off,
driving away in the rain,
made me feel like I'd already lost him.
And I did that day.
That very day,
because when he returned to me,
everything was different.
There were
tears from his eyes,
silence from his mouth,
sadness from his heart.
I had lost him to the war.
A contest entry
- Swap Poems by Mercury Rising.
850 points, ended June 24, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I am love... feed me! PW welcome! by Fallen-Muse.
650 points, ended July 9, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tell Me How This Works by Budart.
700 points, ended July 8, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Mania!! :D by XxLoverOfDarknessxX.
900 points, ended July 8, 87 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Send me away with emotion by Fallen-Thumper.
500 points, ended July 10, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ROUNDS CONTEST - ROUND ONE - PREWRITES by DecorusApparatus.
700 points, ended August 2, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let's write about True Love by groovy afternoon.
400 points, ended July 18, 19 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Walk To Remember [A couple of options] by XxNinjaNemoxX.
700 points, ended July 24, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-writes open for 12 hours!!! by letters to no one.
700 points, ended September 6, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes! by Karra-Mayy.
1600 points, ended November 21, 321 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Prewrites :) Yes, as many as you like, but hell this wont be simple. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended November 3, 1093 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
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aaawww
this is soooo sad it makes me want to cry. its horrible the things the people have to go through exspecialy losing someone like that there are many people who lose their loves this way -
This is so beautiful and...
Fearfully and sadly this happens
I felt the emotion in this poem
a deep sadness of reality
Good write.
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This was very good.
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AWWW! war is bad i find it to be senseless.. killing innocent ppl in other countries who might feel exactly the way i do... good poem tho
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Your entry fits well with my intent,but unfortunately it does not comply with my request to 'please do not enter an entry that has been judged before.'
.f you have another that has not been judged in any contest please submit it.
This is one of the- Best- but it must be removed dear poet -
Wow such beautiful imagery and unbelievable emotion in this poem. I'm honestly stunned... Ugh wow. Thank you so much for this beautiful piece.
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This is an incredible write. Very deep,
~Oka
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I can see why this piece won a gold trophy; it's wonderfully penned and filled with such powerful emotion. Thank you so much for telling me about this poem, it really is like the one you commented on. Bravo!
Love,
Amera♥
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awwww the ending sad.. i really liked it.
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Oh.My. Goodness.
This was really heartbreaking and I love the determination the persona had to get back her lover with the time she got left with him.
I also like how she didn't lose him by the death in war(It's been typically done) but she lost him because of the impact that the war has done to him.
That ending is not possible, the world is cruel enough, what more with wars as well?
Nothing else to add; with such simple lines you've woven a really lovely, melancholic piece
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I love this, and it rings true with me. I'm joining Air Force ROTC, in four years I'll probably be gone too. But I'm determined not to lose sight of myself. Very powerful write, emotions are overwhelmingly clear.
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this poem absolutely moved me!!
it's wonderful!
I think you did a perfect job on it. You are a true poet!
Great write, no not great, AMAZING!
My cousin is in the war, and it's hard, he's not the same, nor was my grandfather who came back from the war.
It's so true, even though our soldiers return home some are still consumed and in such a horrible emotional state that they are not here in mind, only in body.
GREAT WRITE!
keep it up!
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War the only thing good in it is so the winning side can show it off, but these people do not realise how much pain they bring it's citizens, the atomic bombing of hiroshima and nagasaki, is just an example and so is this. It must be very painful now and it must realyl hurt, war it only brings sadness and we'll never have true piece because when we are in a state of peace we always have to hear about a different war
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I really like how you worded this. Lost him to war, most would think death, but not many think of the real life changes war does to a person. Emotionally and physically. Wonderful job a nd yes I am sorry I dont allow prewrites, i just want something fresh, new and wrote directly from the heart right at that moment. But keep penning.!!!
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This stunned me, to be perfectly honest.
Stunned me speechless
Bravo, a strong entry.
xoxo. -
this is perfectly written, i really like how you ended it and how you repeated: "I had lost him to the war" I can relate to this... dealing with a brother in the war, he comes back completely changed.
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Stunning
It's like one of those scenes from a movie.
It reminds me of the song
"green day-wake me up when september ends".
I'm considering of going to the army with a friend when I'm graduated. Really good writing and expressing the feelings of such a painful moment of letting go.
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I like this one much... It is beautiful and very expresive... probably from the begining till the end it stay quite simple, but still very tragic...
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heartbreaking. Loved this
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Very good
These words touched me, but it is so sad. My fiance is in Basic and it made me think I could lose him too. Keep writing about things you feel, your words come out strong. Good work.
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This is nice, but I think that there was too much use of 'I' (especially at the beginning of each stanza). It irritated me and stopped me enjoying the poem so much.
But thank you for your entry!
--Katie. -
My cousin has served 3 tours in Iraq - when he returned he wasn't the boy I'd known. Everyone around him, family and friends felt the same way - we'd lost him to the war, or he'd lost himself to it. Truly a powerful write.
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Wow again!
Amazing again! And like I said you definitely have talent! Keep up the good work! -
really great write and the end bit brought tears to my eyes. a wonderful piece
good luck and thanks for entering -
WOW. this was really good. it was sad, and it made my heart clench as i read this.
it was an amazing piece. keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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I loved this, that was amazing, the love overflowed from it. triffic job.
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WOWWW
this is beautiful and although the write didnt lose him literally in the war... his soul was lost from what he'd seen and been through in the war
amazing write!!
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Gosh that hacka sucks!!! i hate the war and what it does to people!!!
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There are so many more casualties in a war than ever get counted. This is a moving poem and I am happy to have read it but it seems to be a little outside the concerns of this contest. Thanks for the entry. Good luck.
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This is an unusual "love lost" poem. The speaker isn't losing him to another woman, or simply because he falls out of love, but because when he returns to her the circumstances, the horrors of war and goodness knows whatever he has seen while he was away have changed him beyond recognition. He is still there, physically, but his mind is not the same anymore.
This is a tragic poem of what war can do to an individual even if they don't get physically hurt, and something that is probably true for a lot of soldiers. A powerful write, well done.
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Liked it
Very beautiful entry. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful piece of work and good luck in the contest. -
This is amazingly beautiful and terribly sad. There are so many people who have gone through this. This piece, actually made me cry, So many men and women leave for the war, and come back, leaving a piece of themselves behind. This was almost unbearable to read.
Unfortuantly, I have to disqualify this, because there are way more that 25 lines. I am terribly sorry. But I had stated it on the contest page. Just know that this is an amazing write. -
Once again, this is not a Swap Quatrain poem like I had requested, but is a fine poem in its own right. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering.
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Very nice. I don't quite see that it fits into the 'swap' contest, though.
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wow this is a really powerful poem it really duz set the picture straight
keep em coming -
cold shivers all over me .. so sad .. the war changes boys to men men to stone its no game out there and like a drug once its done things are never the same .. heart felt piece darling
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i love the layout of this and i loved every word...its hard loosing people and this poem says alot, i love this piece and the emotion it holds. Amazing
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wow loved it the second paragraph was my favorite real emotion. btw thxs 4 ya comment on my poem xx
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wow this poem is really good i can feel the emotion that you put into this
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Amazing. Absolutely love it, you're such a good writer
The ending, I though was great, because I forgot the title, and was thinking of him leaving you, and when it was because of the war, I just thought, wow. Great job!
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