Morning-blue wood
lightens sky thinking
feed on her mouth:
its empty construct shall
understand not
deep feelings.
Distressing wave
of sorrowing wood-berries
all red with blue
again the unseen desire.
Consumated,
under star-jolted Northern Lights
like drenched maze
the cry unheard by
fog clasped breaths under trees.
Can children sing
the song of love,
the decision in love's soul
on the path to aerate the darkness?
Author notes
The mind probes for understanding POY
How was it for you?
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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I like the playing with words, and sounds, but then anyone reading my poetry will tell them I was likely to.
This is very different in feel and style to the rest of the poetry in POY and that must count strongly in its favour.
Against that is that part of the remit here is to look for the content and that seems to me (I think deliberately on your part, just guessing) to be missing, so I shall muse before deciding
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breath taking what do they know!! =)
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Amen to that, Rheea, and, in any case I really do n ot understand their odd English usage!! Thank you/
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Aloha and welcome to POY!
This is a very lovely write...however, as has been said by other judges...it is just not unique...I for one, never score love poems high...unless they are done from a perspective I've never heard of: ie: sidewalk in love with soles of shoes...lol...Best wishes in the contest,
and always.
Write on!
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Que? What love poem???
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Hi, and welcome to the POY
To be honest, I didn't find your theme to be all that unique, but your language is stunning! There are a few stellar moments to be found here, but I highly recommend focussing on showing, rather than telling. Well done, and thank you for entering!
Laura
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Not sure which/what theme you have identified as this poem was merely a play with words and sounds~~~~~~~~~~~~~~? Thanks for stopping by.
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Your might want to view the use of the word 'aerate' as it relates to darkness.'Aerate' pertains to exposing something to the air or changing a liquid to gases.Seems odd when used to alter the darkness.
Your style is different for sure. -
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who iam,
Aeration actually has nothing to do with changing a liquid to a gas or gasses. Incomplete or misunderstood research I think.
Perhaps you meant charging a liquid, (such as soft drink), with a gas, (such as carbon dioxide), to make soda pop. cm -
Poetic device, old chap. By the way - "changing a liquid to gase" ????? Or possibly this is also a poetic device?? LOL
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Hi there and welcome to the POY this is a theme that I have seen before but non the less it is a good piece and well written. Remember no editing once a judge has touched your work.
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Interested to know what theme you have identified??
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Very deep! Great poem my talented friend!
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This be right up my alley guvna. I quite like the imagery and form. I like the contemplative feel the poem has. Makes me ask the question "whether understanding can ever be grasp or is it merely a self delusion? Next question would be "do I need to know?" Great write my friend.
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The theme in unique and interesting the poem is good i like the second stanza the flow is alright to
~GOOD LUCK~
*Mystal*
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