Retreat was shouted loud, in storms of men
Russians fell back, so burn the fields to char
The grand army had all but won, till then.
In scorched and blackened earth, by fallen bars
The downy flake began to fall, so to
A wintry wrath has skulked the avatar.
On frozen plains of ice and snow, a zen
So blankets soldiers, fiery, cold, and far.
To home and warmth of yet to starve, but when
A barren waste, the earth had seemed to mar
The empty void of ruined fields often
had felt death hunting the dying shelters.
The frozen souls, vacant in eyes so lost
The earth was still to hear silence of cost.
Author notes
The prompt: Rape of the Earth
subject: Napolean's Defeat In Russia
In a list
A contest entry
- For those who love Shakespearean sonnets by masterblaster.
3500 points, ended January 28, 2009, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Let me know How this makes you feel, what do you think?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Hi, I love your poetry but meter is your enemy,lol, Di
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yes it is, I always have trouble with Iambs...
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Wonderful
Such a great use of sonnet form . You did it so skillfully. Best of luck in the contest.
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"a zen/So blankets soldiers, fiery, cold and far." Apt in a way but not so apt if think of it from another angle.
Enjoyed your write.
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This poem certainly has great potential. Original subject, interesting imagery... I get the sense that the words were strung together mainly to make things fit, which is always a bit disappointing in a poem... Your vocabulary seems to be beautiful but you're not making much use of its variety... For instance, I would have loved the mention of "frozen souls" if I hadn't already read the word frozen several times. It really is a great concept, but you might want to do a little editing to expand the variety a bit, if possible. Also, some lines just weren't as clear as others; I understand that sometimes "mysterious" or abstract poetry can be fascinating. However, you still want to make sure the actual phrases make sense, and that if something is unclear that's not because there is no meaning behind it, but because you're just not spelling out what that meaning is. Good job though! Nice, original concept
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Not a bad...
...attempt, and an interesting subject, though I think it could be greatly improved.
The non-rhymes and half-rhymes bug me a little.
Still worth a bit of clap.
Regards,
Robin.
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