Syllables slip from tired tongues
Like feet dragging through quicksand
So many words hanging in mid air
Waiting for brave hearts to let them free
They rage around us in silence
Quietly threatening to destroy our
Carefully built house of cards.
They reverberate in our hearts while
Our bodies ache for sweet escape
and empty words fall loose from lying lips.
Author notes
Being embarrassed is such a waste of time, C'est La Vie. Sorry
A contest entry
- I reached 5 years, and forgot. by Beautiful Irony.
400 points, ended December 21, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything And Everything! by My Last Breath.x.
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Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING!!!PREWRITES!!! EVERYTHING!!! by hershey101.
600 points, ended November 12, 83 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just make it amazing! by X.brokenlover.X.
977 points, ended November 18, 305 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - 1000 points, 1000 pws by Shadow Anonymised.
1000 points, ended November 23, 1096 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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thank you
Thank you for entering my contest,I like this entry and feel it is worthy of being given high praise. Very well written,well spaced and no problems which I can detect.
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very short and to the point, overall a good write.
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I like this a lot. You've got a handle with the way you use words and I like it. The only thing I don't like are the first two lines, I feel like they kinda contradict each other in what they're describing. But totally keep your pen wagging, this is good stuff.
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This is a great take on a very common quote. I love it.
One gripe: quicksand is one word (line two). (Sorry, I do warn everyone I'm a terrible pedant
)
I think my favourite part is the middle section, particularly, "They rage around us in silence/Quietly threatening to destroy our/Carefully built house of cards." I'm not sure why I like it so much, possibly because it's so dangerously true!
Excellent poem, thank you for entering it into my contest.
Sarah -
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Don't worry i am like that too.
Thanks for telling me and the great review. -
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No problem
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Mmmm I really like this.
Great take on the quote.
Love the lines...
"Syllables slip from tired tongues
Like feet dragging through quick sand"
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
