As the cryptic fog rolled into the Victorian town,
I lit my gas lamp.
Threw on my top hat crown,
And stepped outside of the bar I frequented.
Waiting for me, to my surprise,
I spotted a pretty little thing, Dora Mae.
Wearing a blood red corset,
Lined in black lace...
She was a feast for the eyes,
A scandelous treat for me and me alone.
Although she was ravishing in her get-up,
I decided to go home.
Arriving at my door,
A parasol was there.
Someone was inside,
But I really didn't care.
I stepped on in
And found my home to be ransacked.
Inside, I found a cane, with a name,
The name John K. Mack.
Without hesitation
No further delay,
I left my home,
Feeling so gay!
Tea time was nigh,
but without a sigh, I ran.
Desperate to find this Mack fellow,
I ran into my friend, Fran.
Tall, and slendor she was,
Wearing a corset the color of sin,
I asked if she knew this Mack,
She replied with a "Come on in."
I entered Fran's home on the double,
telling her that i wanted no trouble, I sighed.
Trying to cheer me up,
She asked me of the Mack guy.
I told her what I knew and of the cane.
Fran smiled and left the room.
She appeared moments later with a gun.
Pulling the trigger...BOOM!
Now, I wanted to end the Mack guy,
Send 'em to hell in a basket,
But I was the one who got ended...
Buried in a black casket....
Author notes
Possibly my best iece here. Tell me waht you think.
In a list
A contest entry
- Top Hats and Cold Gold by ResplendentCloud.
1100 points, ended December 21, 2008, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think of this?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
Wow - what a story you wove, and the perfect imagery to go with it, particularly describing the clothing, I found that very vivid!
thanks for entering
-
nicely written. I think that the part that I liked best had to be the very last stanza. Nice imagery you have here. Flowed well. And kept my interest thanks for sharing this with us and for entering it into this contest.
-
Nice rhyme and flow on this one, I'm thinking you should have stuck with Dora Mae and had the other head blown off instead.
Scott
-
I love this poem so much! It was vintage and dark.
" But I was the one who got ended, buried in a black casket." The ending was the best part, the rhyming did this piece justice
goodjob and goodluck
-Emm -
Superb
Oh, wow, what a wry, almost satirical write this is.
Thanks for sharing this one with us. I really like it.
Again, well done. -
Wow, like I was actually there! You use descriptions that could make anything sound literal. I like how you use elipses wisley and it's just your style of wording and writing that captivates me!
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
