Somewhere on the edge of summer
A heavy fog creeps in, stage right.
The world goes dull,
The leaves leave, and everything goes with it.
A weeping willow and the sorrow ensue:
Irrevocable; the falling of tides and the resting of the earth.
Absent of life, void of resplendence, the emotion provokes,
A candid spirit, brutal as the world is cold.
So simple, yet dramatic, as if the changing of seasons,
Ambiguous, while definite and unyielding;
This motion of the heart; profound, be it inexplicable.
It is the song without rhyme,
An untamed heart, a wild tempo: a crescendo and staccato.
We were not here before, though we still remember it;
The way the wind sighed to a golden, setting sun between scarlet passions of clouds.
It was violet, it was silver;
It was ecstasy, it was love.
My scrapbook mind, the edges are a little frayed;
But I still remember you like autumn:
Beautiful, golden; a luster of humanity at which to marvel;
Just a hue under violet and a shade above gray.
But the winter came too soon, and we faded away to a bleak painting of ashes and reality.
Now I've felt the cold,
Now I've felt the numbness;
And I am numb to it.
We are like the seasons; we shall come and we shall go,
Never to be forgotten, but all is of an essence of time.
For until then, I shall catch myself dancing with leaves...
A heavy fog creeps in, stage right.
The world goes dull,
The leaves leave, and everything goes with it.
A weeping willow and the sorrow ensue:
Irrevocable; the falling of tides and the resting of the earth.
Absent of life, void of resplendence, the emotion provokes,
A candid spirit, brutal as the world is cold.
So simple, yet dramatic, as if the changing of seasons,
Ambiguous, while definite and unyielding;
This motion of the heart; profound, be it inexplicable.
It is the song without rhyme,
An untamed heart, a wild tempo: a crescendo and staccato.
We were not here before, though we still remember it;
The way the wind sighed to a golden, setting sun between scarlet passions of clouds.
It was violet, it was silver;
It was ecstasy, it was love.
My scrapbook mind, the edges are a little frayed;
But I still remember you like autumn:
Beautiful, golden; a luster of humanity at which to marvel;
Just a hue under violet and a shade above gray.
But the winter came too soon, and we faded away to a bleak painting of ashes and reality.
Now I've felt the cold,
Now I've felt the numbness;
And I am numb to it.
We are like the seasons; we shall come and we shall go,
Never to be forgotten, but all is of an essence of time.
For until then, I shall catch myself dancing with leaves...
Author notes
Hope I'm ok putting this in here, I promise I didn't add u to my faves for this
hope you like, it is a bit of an old one.
A contest entry
- What Would You Say To Your Ex? by Priya1989.
600 points, ended January 23, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - hey lady, you've got the love I need by kill the lights.
700 points, ended January 31, 21 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - silver I by Salty Hibiscus.
450 points, ended February 6, 86 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - favourites or people who have me on theirs. [prewrites] by ladybug..
700 points, ended August 16, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
This is definitely gorgeous.
"This motion of the heart; profound, be it inexplicable."
- yes. just, yes.
PS. Don't feel bad about those no's, since I got no's from all of them as well for that contest; I hadn't started writing in their style yet & it was painfully typical. -
no.
thanks so much for entering. :] -
no.
there were some good parts in this, but for the most part I think you didn't get up to your full potential. and I can tell that you definitely have potential.
thanks for entering and please wait for the other judge to comment. -
-
ok, here's what kills me, you ask for prewrites, and you asked for emotions(amongst other things) I felt that this was a very emtional write(and it is for me). And then you come and say that this is not up to my full potential...pretty much stating the obvious. This was written nearly 6 years ago, so yeah, it is not my best, in my opinion, my best poem is yet to be written. So unless there was some ulterior motive or agenda here, some extra criteria I was unaware of(besides this being one of those contest where no one has a fair chance against the judge's favorites and friends, which would be painfully typical) then I'm seriously wondering why this happened. I went and read quite a few of the finalist and there are some in there that you complain about more then mine, but still put in the finalist. Some were utter cliche and some quite frankly did not make sense and weren't cohesive. So forgive me if I think this contest is an afront to the whole concept of what a contest should be.
-
-
And the leaves drift down, to return the cycle, and wait for another time..... (Sorry, Got carried away there) hehe. I love this write! it was smooth, the passion told a deep story, one that screamed at me for attention (so I read it about 3 more times) There is nothing I dont like in this, the imagery is superb! Beautiful and well written!


-
my favorite season is autumn, and your poem is soothing and graceful. reminds me so much of autumn. thanks for sharing and good luck.
-
OMG. You are so awesome.
This is beautiful. I love every line. This shoul be a rock song. I could connect with your beautiful words. You should publish your work, if you haven't already. WOw!

-
fantastic imagery
a very well written piece
i enjoyed reading it -
The way the wind sighed to a golden, setting sun between scarlet passions of clouds. This is a side of you've I've not seen
A beautifully passionate write that filled with wonderful imagery and perhaps a shadow of your soul... Well done.
Ken

-
that last line just gives me the chills.
and takes me some where beautiful.
nonconventional beauty.


-
wonderful
just beautiful. I loved the imagry

-
loved the ending.
1 - 12 of 12













