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A Sympathy of Leaves

Somewhere on the edge of summer
A heavy fog creeps in, stage right.
The world goes dull,
The leaves leave, and everything goes with it.
A weeping willow and the sorrow ensue:
Irrevocable; the falling of tides and the resting of the earth.
Absent of life, void of resplendence, the emotion provokes,
A candid spirit, brutal as the world is cold.
So simple, yet dramatic, as if the changing of seasons,
Ambiguous, while definite and unyielding;
This motion of the heart; profound, be it inexplicable.
It is the song without rhyme,
An untamed heart, a wild tempo: a crescendo and staccato.
We were not here before, though we still remember it;
The way the wind sighed to a golden, setting sun between scarlet passions of clouds.
It was violet, it was silver;
It was ecstasy, it was love.
My scrapbook mind, the edges are a little frayed;
But I still remember you like autumn:
Beautiful, golden; a luster of humanity at which to marvel;
Just a hue under violet and a shade above gray.
But the winter came too soon, and we faded away to a bleak painting of ashes and reality.
Now I've felt the cold,
Now I've felt the numbness;
And I am numb to it.
We are like the seasons; we shall come and we shall go,
Never to be forgotten, but all is of an essence of time.
For until then, I shall catch myself dancing with leaves...

Author notes

Hope I'm ok putting this in here, I promise I didn't add u to my faves for this hope you like, it is a bit of an old one.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • ladybug.
    August 16

    Edit | Reply
    This is definitely gorgeous.

    "This motion of the heart; profound, be it inexplicable."
    - yes. just, yes.

    PS. Don't feel bad about those no's, since I got no's from all of them as well for that contest; I hadn't started writing in their style yet & it was painfully typical.


  • heavenbird
    February 8
    Edit | Reply

    no.

    thanks so much for entering. :]


  • aanika
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    no.

    there were some good parts in this, but for the most part I think you didn't get up to your full potential. and I can tell that you definitely have potential.

    thanks for entering and please wait for the other judge to comment.


    • andywontdie silver member
      February 8
      Edit | Reply
      ok, here's what kills me, you ask for prewrites, and you asked for emotions(amongst other things) I felt that this was a very emtional write(and it is for me). And then you come and say that this is not up to my full potential...pretty much stating the obvious. This was written nearly 6 years ago, so yeah, it is not my best, in my opinion, my best poem is yet to be written. So unless there was some ulterior motive or agenda here, some extra criteria I was unaware of(besides this being one of those contest where no one has a fair chance against the judge's favorites and friends, which would be painfully typical) then I'm seriously wondering why this happened. I went and read quite a few of the finalist and there are some in there that you complain about more then mine, but still put in the finalist. Some were utter cliche and some quite frankly did not make sense and weren't cohesive. So forgive me if I think this contest is an afront to the whole concept of what a contest should be.


  • Dragonbabyx3
    February 6

    Edit | Reply
    And the leaves drift down, to return the cycle, and wait for another time..... (Sorry, Got carried away there) hehe. I love this write! it was smooth, the passion told a deep story, one that screamed at me for attention (so I read it about 3 more times) There is nothing I dont like in this, the imagery is superb! Beautiful and well written!


  • Salty Hibiscus gold member
    February 6

    Edit | Reply
    my favorite season is autumn, and your poem is soothing and graceful. reminds me so much of autumn. thanks for sharing and good luck.


  • Tqop
    January 8

    Edit | Reply

    OMG. You are so awesome.

    This is beautiful. I love every line. This shoul be a rock song. I could connect with your beautiful words. You should publish your work, if you haven't already. WOw!


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    December 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    fantastic imagery
    a very well written piece

    i enjoyed reading it


  • KayJay
    December 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The way the wind sighed to a golden, setting sun between scarlet passions of clouds. This is a side of you've I've not seen A beautifully passionate write that filled with wonderful imagery and perhaps a shadow of your soul... Well done.
    Ken


  • Deathless1
    December 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    that last line just gives me the chills.
    and takes me some where beautiful.
    nonconventional beauty.


  • kin-sedren
    December 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wonderful

    just beautiful. I loved the imagry


  • HopeInForever
    December 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    loved the ending.

1 - 12 of 12