each step forward creates a little crack
in the cement behind her, she doesn't notice
because the tears are streaming down too fast.
faster, faster she moves;
in circular motions that even carousels
would be jealous of, she runs,
trying to escape everything except for her future;
-she hopes it'll be better than the past.
Author notes
prompt: chasing pavements.
title suggestions?
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This piece has some really wonderful potenial. Personally, I would remove some of the filler words and leave it a bit more to allow the readers mind to wonder in its own direction.
For example, having added 'in the cement behind her' really does not need to be there. By having it you are personally directing the reader's mind rather than allowing them to venture out on their own. Sometimes it's the small notations of such changes that can empower a piece poetry.
Blessings
Bel
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in circular motions that even carousels
would be jealous of, she runs,
trying to escape everything except for her future;
hmm the prompt was weird :|
but I love the way you did it.
those three lines were my favourite, i LOVE the mention of carousels. -
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thanks love
how are you enjoying all the short poems i wrote while you were gone
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good
... "In circular motions that even carousels would be jealous of... like running round in circles trying to catch your breath. I thought it was wonderful. This line particularly. Good Luck! ;P -
"faster, faster she moves;
in circular motions that even carousels
would be jealous of, she runs,
trying to escape everything except for her future;"
Beauty
Pure beauty
Shelly
x
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