and still I turn in fevered sweat
as phantasms dance
in hallucinogenic mockery
the skin drips off brittle bones
bleached by acid tongue
stroked with veins
unable to contain the sludge
while sandpaper wears away rough edges
leaving me.......
to wait for dawn
as if today will be different
Author notes
prompt: taken from 'Day’s Trepidation' by Glasyalabolas
Feel no comfort in the morning sun,
River flood of gloom at worlds waking.
Crushing anguish as the dance resumes,
Behold it now, how the stories twist.” –
A contest entry
- The Mystery Poem Quote Prompt Contest Part 1 by Glasyalabolas.
1400 points, ended December 23, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How do you think I could improve this poem?
Comments
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Excellent wording in this piece, it lends itself very well towards the emotional impact that it is aiming for.
Good write.
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Very well done, my best wishes.
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and let me say one more thing... AWESOME TITLE. I love the play on the word "broken"...Usually daybreak is a hopeful time, but here, it turns out just the opposite...that hope has been broken, as has her heart. you rock
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Amazing mood you have created with your word choice and quick, heavy use of iambs... i love the ending... it was not expected, and left a sinking feeling in me... like when you are majorly disappointed about something...quite despairing.
excellent free verse, gal... and i loved the internal rhyming/assonance!
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