Without you,
Time is standing still,
But I’ll carry on,
I know I will,
It’s not like you didn’t try,
I’m the one who said goodbye,
But it doesn’t stop me missing
You standing there,
If only I could make the time move,
Back to that moment, so I could prove,
That loving you is the only thing,
I was meant to do,
What if I had changed my ways?
Would we still be in forever?
Living all those happy days,
Just being together,
I know that it’s too late,
I should have thought,
I made you wait,
And now I’m alone,
Without you,
With time standing still,
Without you,
I feel like I’m alone,
Even when she’s with me,
I’m standing on my own,
There’s nothing I can do,
I’ve said goodbye to you,
But it doesn’t stop me looking for you,
In my world,
If only I could try again,
Try to lessen all the pain,
Prove that loving you,
Was all I should have done,
What if I had changed my ways?
Would we still be in forever?
Living all those happy days,
Just being together,
I know that it’s too late,
I should have thought,
I made you wait,
And now I’m alone,
Without you,
With time standing still,
Minutes seem like hours,
As the wind chills my face,
Without you I feel like
Disappearing, without a trace,
Why did I make those mistakes?
Was it instinct, spite or fate?
I’d do whatever it takes to get you back,
But I know now, it’s too late,
What if I had changed my ways?
Would we still be in forever?
Living all those happy days,
Just being together,
I know that it’s too late,
I should have thought,
I made you wait,
And now I’m alone,
Without you,
With time standing still,
Would I be without you?
Would I be waiting here until,
You tried once more to change my mind?
Would time be standing still?
But it’s done now,
It’s over, I let you go,
And now I know,
That without you,
Time will always be,
Standing still,
Author notes
Based on Rent, Maureen after losing Joanne similar to the song Without you that was what I used
A contest entry
- What Would You Say To Your Ex? by Priya1989.
600 points, ended January 23, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your break-up poems by trekkergirl.
400 points, ended January 5, 80 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - If You LOVE Musicals/Broadway..CLICK HERE!!! by MysteriousWhisper.
400 points, ended May 17, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
love it,
it flows so well, i didn't even notice how long it was, untill i went back to find my fave line
'would we still be in forever'
it's so great, you're are fantastic writer x
-
this is very beautiful. While I don't think Maureen seemed to care as much as it sounds and that the song "Without You" is based on Mimi, this is very well written. I especially like the second stanza, it's very powerful. great job and good luck in the contest!
-
Very emotional and I wonder why you made them wait and for what were they waiting for? It is sad when love turns away and hurts till this very day. Good lyrics I feel...continue your poetry, it is good.
-
you know every time I read an entry of your I cry...yeah...I know what it is like...but when you move you start to feel better, but then you realize even though you aren't thinking about them, they still pass over your mind in little whispers...or like it is in the wind you thought you heard it but really you couldn't. adn even though you know it was for the best, you have to just get back to life...or something that somewhat resembles life...
-
When you aren't with someone that you want to be I really think that time does stand still and you can't stop thinking about them.
Kari -
wow
This is a very good wfrite... Im really sorry for what you are going through.. I know how that feels... I have been there before.. I hope things work out for you!! KEep up the great work!
Shannon*Leah -
I agree with you all you said during this write. It is a good questioning poem that says "what if..." good write. Thanks for sharing this and thanks for entering it into this contest.
-
Hi There
I loved reading this piece, thank you for entering my contest
This most definitely would play out as a wonderful song for your musical, so well done on that! Can I suggest maybe a title change for this? I felt like the title did not really tie in well with this piece... your piece was more about repenting that you were no longer with your ex and the mistakes you made and how time will stand still now because of all of this? And your title seems to show only the hurt of a broken hurt and and none of the other wonderful sentiments you have described here. Just a thought
Maybe "time standing still" would be a good title, hmm.
Also line 34, I'll should be 'all', I think
Okay so these are the parts I liked specifically:
Line 1-4: Love the rhyme here and the simplicity of the words can definitely see this being in a song.
Line 9 & 10: Love it. Love that you continue the time motif throughout this piece. This is why I think your title should be changed to somethign to do with time
Line 25 & 26, 28 & 29: Good imagery and melancholy, a paradox.
Line 45 & 46: My favourite lines in this poem. Wonderful imagery.
Line 50: Interesting anaysis/resons for your behaviour. Made me think about all three.
Last stanza: Good ending.
Thank you for entering this piece in my contest and best of luck with it
-
loved this!
-
Haha thank you so much for this x
-
i lvoe this Georgia. this is really cool. it should be a song, and if you don't win that contest i'll pummel the winner wid a purple fluffy monkey, and the the person who started it. lol.
-
I think that many people come in and out of our lives it is hard to move over but it seems like you are on the right path thanks for sharing good luck
-
Beautiful
I really found these lines affected me the most:
Minutes seem like hours,
As the wind chills my face,
Without you I feel like
Disappearing, without a trace,
Why did I make those mistakes?
Was it instinct, spite or fate?
I’d do whatever it takes to get you back,
But I know now, it’s too late,
all of that really hit me hard. I am going through a break up with my now ex g.f and its still killin me deep down inside and the shock is wearing off and the intelluct is starting to form, again. with that beings aid this is an extremely powerful sad moving write. Nyteshade my sis sent me this link and im glad she did., I don't think the contest holder should give you any lip for the length of this write as its incredible how well it flows and how depe the words are. anyw ays with that beings aid over all I really enjoyed the piece and I could see this as a ssong though its very berry sad. any ways excellent work and keep up the good work and good luck in the contest.
Tiger
-
Aww that was beautiful and yet sad sis, it really shows your emotions and what your thinking and that takes a lot of courage. good luck in the contest
NS
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
