stop fighting!
cant you see my pain!
im in counsiling because of your guy's crap!
our family has parted,
what has happened?
peace and love,
thats all i ask,
one simple request...
christmas is nearing,
but my life becomes more sorrowful by the days,
i sit and wait, i listen to the fights,
my eyes turning moist
i plug my ears and screamed
"WHY THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME!"
i was happy,
life was sweet.
everything was great
i had no pain i was finally happy,
you took that away,
all of you did!
stop being so stupid!
listen to my cry's!
please!
can love in exist,
have you all forgotten,
im just a kid?
only 13 and i deal with this crap!
please, please stop...
A contest entry
- Loved Ones by Need For Redemption.
435 points, ended December 24, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This is very discriptive. Thick with emotion. I realy liked it
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not bad
few things though:
you change tense half way through. "I plug my ears and screamed" is in past tense, while the rest of the poem seems to be happening in the now.
crys should be cries.
'your guy's crap' sounds like something napoleon dynamite would say. Change it to just 'your' or 'all of your' -
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thanks for the advice, but i was extremely pissed when i wrote this so i would asume there to be alot
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