Your tears fill your eyes
Then move down your face
You search for a way
To get out of this place
The cold tile floor
Feels good on your toes
It helps hide the pain
That no one should know
You look in the mirror
Black lines run down you cheeks
Your once shiney blue eyes
Now just show that you're weak.
Your hand finds the wall
And you put your back to it
As you slide to the floor
You think "He made me do it."
Put your head on your knees
Just cry for a while
You know you're not happy
Don't force out a smile
You pick yourself up
You have to stand tall
Move to the bathtub
Soon water starts to fall
You open the drawer
Filled with combs and hairbands
Then search 'til you find
Thin metal in your hands
There's pain in your throat
No more time for tears
After what happened to you
You have no more fears
You step in the water
But don't feel a thing
As you descend even further
Your ears start to ring
You know that he hurt you
As sweat forms on your brow
Two swift flicks of your wrist
It's all over now
A contest entry
- Emo/ Death/ Abuse by Violent Glass.
550 points, ended February 13, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I really want some feedback on this one.. You think it's good?
Comments
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Wow. Another amazing poem, I really felt the emotion in this and can relate to it so well. Again, the rhyme flows well and doesn't sound forced.
'Put your head on your knees
Just cry for a while
You know you're not happy
Don't force out a smile'
I love this part... especially the forcing out a smile. Really sad.
Great poem =]
x x x
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this is nice
i loved your flow of words
it was really good
thanx for entering -
rhyme is my favorite part of poetry..so i give u extra credit =] lovely doll face..lovely
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Wow, very powerful. Rhyming isn't my favorite and I'm really picky with it, so the rhyming was a little distracting to me at some points. Although overall you did a good job with having a good rhyme. The concept of this piece is very powerful, and I think that those that even haven't been abused can still feel pain through your words.
You had one typo. "you" should be "your".
"Feels good on you toes"
Good write!
~Angi
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