White-knuckled and pristine, she meanders between lamp-post shadows like ectoplasm in the wake of phantasma
Translucently pale
Stained in rusty gore
I can not lament the death of the Devil's whore
With whom I gave my soul
For hope
And auspicious sincerity
Like tattered clothes on bi-serrated wire
My heart
Is an empty cavity full of desire
I swooned to the emptiness of her muse and now cannot rid my head of the tune
Metal objects and glass shards are the sympathy card, and every scar is an apology for wanting more...
than this
eternal... emptiness
Daylight comes when my eyes are closed
My mind resides in darkness
Since she's killed all hope
Words engraved can not tell the tale of how this bed was made
Conned into believing that life was worth saving
Foolishly thinking that today is not tomorrow
It took me a lifetime to realize
That she was just another chapter
In my legacy of sorrow.
By: Jaye Eryk
Copyright ©2008
Non-monosyllabic comments welcomed
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Any words past "Brovo!!!" would be feeble! You have penned a piece taken to mind and soul.
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i like it!!!!!!
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there were some amazing word choices within this piece...
"she meanders between lamp-post shadows like ectoplasm in the wake of phantasma"
wow. only one of several places I was enthralled.
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This had a very seductive way of drawing me in and keeping me enraptured till the elegant end. As always I'm in love with the unique images you use that leave haunting pictures and impressions echoing within one's head after you've finished reading and have supposedly moved on to the demands of the following moments. Normally I find it terribly annoying when a poem goes back and forth between rhyme and free verse, but here it was woven so well together I didn't actually notice till I went back and reread the entire thing. The lovely vocabulary, as is one of your trademarks, was also well appreciated and put to good use. A dark and somewhat sinister picture seen through tragedy tinted lenses, but excelently painted nevertheless.
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Excellent piece from beginning to end. Your imagery and depth complement the flow, weaving beautiful shards of darkness to serve as one stream-lined wave of intensity.
Pained, and intricately detailed - this poem certainly leaves its mark.
Well penned!
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My heart
Is an empty cavity full of desire.
I swooned to the emptiness of her muse and now cannot rid my head of the tune...
Is it like this....full of desires...taking a lifetime to realize she killed all hope and was just another chapter...
A book always has more than one chapter...so I guess there is always a possibility there can be more in your life too....
Although many books are ending the same...
But you never can tell until you have read it...
Hope your upcoming Christmas day's will be filled with loved ones around you
Oh..and ofcourse lots of presents by
, who knows...he might be even give you some new books..
XXJeannette
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"White-knuckled and pristine, she meanders between lamp-post shadows"
I liked that a lot - the imagery is clear and easy to imagine and it feels so lurky...especially with 'meanders' and 'shadows'. 'pristine' gave me almost a surgical feel, like somebody who manipulates a shitload and thinks carefully about even would-be impulsive things like emotions. Plus, the word 'pristine' is just coolio.
"I swooned to the emptiness of her muse and now cannot rid my head of the tune."
I usually hate the word 'swooned' (since it's usually used in relation to girls my age to say, crap music like the Jonas Brothers), but I really liked it here - it felt sincere and sad at the same time. "emptiness of her muse" is AMAZING!! It feels inhuman.
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Jessica
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Wow, the images in this are breathtaking. I felt completely drawn into your story, your imagery is precise and powerful. "Daylight comes when my eyes are closed/My mind resides in darkness". Absolutely beautiful, I love the darkness.
Well penned,
~lost
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Amazing. This poem is so vivid, and the descriptions are so fresh and creative. Your use of rhyme is understated and pleasing, and the words you chose paint an amazing picture of bitterness and sorrow. One of the lines that stood out to me the most was "Metal objects and glass shards are the sympathy card..." I couldn't tell you why, but I like it quite a bit. It gives the reader a very specific image while remaining a vauge concept... overall, a great poem.
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Brilliant Poe Bro!
You have tasted tears till life's well has run dry.
What a powerfully expressed piece you inscribed.
It moves the writer to the point of thinking before the love.
All the best within the contest brother.
It's Gold in my eyes, that's for sure.
Peace.
Brother Timothy
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Excellent title.
Sorrowful melody.
~E.
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