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a life with in

my body
becomes hollow
like a dying old oak

who waits
for an owl
to burrow inside,
as emotion does

A contest entry

Shoot.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16
  • Raw, my friend, very raw.

    I loved this.

    Sophie,


  • penman gold member
    December 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    What a great write. And so deserving of the gold.

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    December 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    excellent.


  • SmokinHotWhiteTiger
    December 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Nice One

    I like this write from ya Lil Bro I mean well its about owls lmao just kidding actually that final line of yours is extremely strong and very powerfully stated! I love the fact you wrote it in this way and well it can be interrepted in many ways, I figure dout my own way but I won't state it here Lol any ways nice work and good luck with the contest


  • tara wilson gold member
    December 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i really, really like this - wonderful use of metaphor...i have read a few poems lately with owls in them.
    best of luck....


  • gypsy camp
    December 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you know, i think you should nix the [old].
    when i read it, i didnt read that word.
    the two 'o' words are a tad clunky together


    nonetheless, its rather exceptional for a tini write


  • Nom de Plume
    December 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent 20 words... I wonder , did you mean "burrow" ??
    good luck in the contest


    • Ryno
      December 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      oops. I can't spell for heck


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i kind of don't get this til the end, that last part, i think i got it, but keep it flowing and good luck in the contest


  • luna-midnight gold member
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oohhh...hehe. loving it, especially the owl, *starts to kaakoooo* haha
    but wonderfully done, and good luck
    Stephanie ♥


  • Myjoy gold member
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice!!!! Good luck, your mind is colorful today that is for sure. Well done.


  • Never Fall in Love
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I read the last word as 'dies' instead. I think I seem to prefer that one!

    Either way, this is pretty intense.


  • Blood Bloom
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. That's a really awesome combination of words. Made me sad...

1 - 16 of 16