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Mime over Matter

Hands move freely
covering over my words
which form in patterns,
shaping the world around me.

Drawn from deep thought
my body tells a story
of love, life, and tragedy
but no one ever listens.

Walking by me each day,
always ignoring my pain.
Why don't they notice
the tears that
smear my makeup?

Performing in silence
was no longer my art,
sorrow spills on sidewalk,
disrupting chalk drawings
causing colors to seep
into a mixed sea.

Misunderstood views,
you mimic me, expression

becomes endangered.

No longer will I need
a spokesperson,
as of today
my silence is broken.

I will not be put in a box
like my Cousin Jack.

Author notes

POY
Talking Mime

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • islekine gold member
    January 1

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    Happy New Year Genna!

    Well, you were in my top six...top three I think...
    But congrats on the HM...you are becoming a wonderful poet...you have a wonderful eye to look at life...don't loose it! Love ya sweety.....give your mom a hug from
    Auntie Julie! and have her give you one!
    Take care...I look forward to reading more of your poems!
    s


  • Amera gold member
    December 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoy poetry that expresses emotion that is penned in the first person and this is done well.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • cricketjeff gold member
    December 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is very nicely done, thoughtful, narrative and inviting. good free verse poetry.

    Great stuff.


  • aboomer silver member
    December 27, 2008

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    Well done for a unique theme! I like all your images in this - nicely done! And great ending, too!

    best wishes in the contest


  • cupcakealia
    December 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Thats gr8 for a girl of your age!


  • trista gold member
    December 24, 2008

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    Hi Genna, and welcome to the POY!

    I sometimes wonder if your age doesn't give you an advantage, in that you have a very fresh and original way of seeing the world...and paying attention to things us older folks have long since forgotten...definitely a creative theme, and not one I ever recall seeing before. Kudos!

    There's very little here I would critique...islekine's suggestion is a good one IMO...and perhaps a semi-colon after "spokesperson" instead of the comma, giving a little longer pause to give emphasis to the last two lines in that stanza, as well as being grammatically correct...but that is only MO, and it's a nit picky thing at best.

    Nicely done, from line breaks to poetic tone...definitely a worthy entry in the POY. Thanks so much for your entry and good luck!

    Best wishes,
    ~J.
    Remember: No editing once a judge has commented, until after trophies have been awarded.


  • Arkbear gold member
    December 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Standing ovation in Arkansas

     

    Is it perfectly penned....maybe not in every area of write....however, your abilty to draw me in and make me watch as this Mime performs in genius......I have nothing here major to ctirique Genna....I actually believe this IS your best for the year......and that is all we asked as you....and you delivered ~

     

    For me, tihs is touching...creative, and you personification is surreal.....you have just set the bar high ~

     

    There are going to many more writes which are going to be excellent writes as well, I'm sure....but for now, you have my vote.....keep your fingers crossed and a smile upon your face....good luck & God bless you!

     

    Bear ~

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    December 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi there and welcome to the POY a creative theme one that I have not seen before love the feeling and emotion you put into this write thank you for taking the time to enter and remember no editing once a judge has touched your work.


  • grannyeri gold member
    December 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very creative theme you have used here - remember watching mimes who perform in Old Quebec City and the amazing way they convey feelings and ideas through movement and facial expression, without any noise. Enjoyed this poem - good flow and images conveyed through the words used.


  • Scyphon
    December 17, 2008

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    This poem blew me away sweetheart. Your words are so powerful and the imagery took me to the scene of the mime crying in anger and misinterpretation. I wish I could give a much better comment, but all I can truly say is WOW. This is one of my favorite poems I have read on AP. Truly struck my heart, feeling for the mime. Well done angel, best of luck to you Take care


  • Stormy Days
    December 16, 2008

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    this is unique i like the last two lines of stanza four they have some good imagery I also like how in the end the mime talks I agree that is would sound better if u took of the was it would make the words flow better
    ~GOOD LUCK~
    *Mystal*

    • Sunshine Princess
      December 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Excuse me Ma'am I am not allowed to edit my poem until after the contest. I like it the way it is I will take out was like Islekine said but on your comment you should of put in capital letter the I on line 1 and on line 3 U should be You. Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation is very important.

  • islekine gold member
    December 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Aloha Genna!

    ahhhh once again you have penned from a very unique perspective! I would take out "was" (after the contest)
    performing in silence, no longer my art.....goes better with the rest of the poetic flow...
    Thanks so much for your entry! Best wishes in the contest.
    Write on!


    REMEMBER: NO editing once a judge has commented!
    My scores will appear in final notes…

  • Sky Prince Ireland gold member
    December 16, 2008

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    Unique, sweetheart. Spoken with good creativity and imagery. Thanks for sharing; good luck in the contest.
    Love Daddy


  • Melodies
    December 15, 2008

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    A fine free verse poem! I am only now feeling like maybe I can write acceptable free verse poetry. It's not that easy. You did it!


  • Lady Altheia gold member
    December 15, 2008

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    Cute, the poem is so heartfelt. You gace a vouice to something no one has before. Good luck to you in the contest.


  • Immortal Obscurity Greeters member
    December 15, 2008

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    Hi Genna, and welcome back!

    This is definitely an interesting theme... I'm sure that, if mimes could talk, their stories would be quite interesting indeed I love how you've written this, and the play on words in the title is fantastic! Well done, and good luck!

    Laura


  • Hope Angel silver member
    December 15, 2008

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    Aw wow girly this is an amazing write. Your imagary is beautiful. I'm so proud of you. I love you and good luck in the contest.


  • my.stars.dont.shine
    December 15, 2008

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    This is really good Genna. You are improving each time I read one of your writes, good job! =) Good luck in the contest. <3

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