scent of sweet pear
overtakes
each sense;
smothers the wakening
of light:
breathing greensandpinks
rise like morning wind to
fall
as quickly as its first kiss.
blush -
the soft ripeness of fruit
succumbs to the insects
that crawl
over glowing dewdrops;
virgin blossoms delicately
drop
the hum of sunrise brings new
flavor; time waits for her to
see.
~~~
Author notes
I wrote this for an English project... it's based off of the pear tree symbol in Their Eyes Were Watching God.
I'm going to be continuing to edit this between now and Friday, when the assignment is due.
In a list
wake me up.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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"scent of sweet pear
overtakes
each sense;
smothers the wakening
of light:
breathing greensandpinks
rise like morning wind to
fall
as quickly as its first kiss"
this was beautiful --- and so was the following stanza.
the diction with the adjectives here creates such a pleasant atmosphere: sweet, soft, glowing, virgin, delicately. not so much "virgin" but it does add spark to the poem -- i just wouldn't put that with "pleasant".
not that i am a whore.
even the diction with other words - nouns - were done great.
you have a strong control of the language, and i've noticed you've gotten much better at that. i'm starting to see more precision in what you write.
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This must have got an A. You have an amazing talent, Love Dad
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I really like this. I read that book in my English class too. I feel that the poem is really good, I personally interpret your poem as making peace with nature which is what I think Janie accomplishes at the end.
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this is lovely, Cassie, what a delicate and beautiful poem -
/the hum of sunrise brings new
flavor/... love that...
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awakening - feels a tad clunky. maybe wakening? it's probably just me with my funny meter.
greensandpinks
succumbts - slight typo, just letting you know!
delecately - delicately
the hum of sunrise - <3, oh yes
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Thank you! I hate typos.
When you say 'greensandpinks', do you mean that they'd look better together as one word, or are you just complimenting those lines?
Thanks again.
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I was actually just complimenting them, but it does look quite cool like that haha.
Shows how lazy I am. Ican'tevenbebotheredtodospaces. -
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oh sheesh, ittakesmoreworkformetonotspace because I'm so used to doing it.
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i was actually going to say that hahaha
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