Stagnant here among the stars,
where silvered talons strike.
Flow with me among the scars,
extending past the dyke.
Touch tomorrow with your mind
spin the stars in place.
Magically your thoughts entwined,
I’m filled with awestruck grace.
Stretch your toes out to a point,
balance in the air.
With stardust to anoint,
this beauty is so rare.
Take a step upon a star
remember times to come.
Hear the call sounding from afar,
hear the rumble of the drum.
Folding time to take me there,
to a place I will not go.
Lift your voice and say a prayer,
through endless time, you’ll flow.
Close your eyes in silence,
forgetting what’s to come.
I owe you no allegiance,
I fear I’m going numb.
Reach into the heavens,
far beyond the stars.
Here the bright night freshens,
For the dark is no longer ours.
Looking up what do they see,
lilting through the skies.
In the vast and open sea
Do they hear our cries?
Motionless I stand my ground,
amid monstrosities of sound.
Wondering how the stars abound,
true beauty does confound.
Author notes
POY
ballerina dreams
In a list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Year - POY - by Bear by Arkbear.
12500 points, ended January 1, 41 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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This poem is wonderful.
So beautiful!
I understand why you won the contest. -
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Thank You
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Congratulations! you must be cockahoop! ignore mystics idiotic comment and revel in being ap's championi!
Floorboards
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Thank you sweetly
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Congrats on the GOLD!!!
I'm so very sorry I wasn't able to finish judging, but just to let you know...this would have been in my top 10 picks as well.
I recall Bear recently telling a poet there have only been a very few rhyming poems to take a gold trophy in all the PO contests...guess this proves anything is possible as long as it is well written and has a unique perspective. Yay for rhyming poetry!
Congrats again, and God Bless you in the new year,
~J.
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Thank you Trista
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Congratulations on the Gold!
It was a tough run...and this is well deserved!
Truly a beautiful piece!
s
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Thanks for all your wonderful mfeed back
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his is so beautiful Gramma. its like a special journey to a magical time in the universe your words just melt together and give the idea of how small and special we are Lovely
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thank you
So Glad you enjoyed the read sweetheart.
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nicely done reminds me of a book I read called 'stardance', you should check it out. Short and fun read
Mostly your rhymes worked very well. I balked slightly at the use of 'so' in 'so rare.' Gerund in 'forgetting' might be better as a regular verb. Why are you going numb?
Thanks, and congrats!
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Because I'm Stunned.
Thanks Keviin. your gift is much appreciated.
*Go withGod* my Friend,
Valerie
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Congratulations
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Beautiful wording!
Congrats on the Gold! and the Poem of the Year award!
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Thanks
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Of 48 poems, this won. Well, congratulations. Here's my scores:
Grammar: 7
Flow: 6.2
Unusualness: 8.7
Vocabulary: 8.9
Lasting Effect: 7
Rhyme: 9.5
Title: 6
Use of Language: 8
I'm sure you deserved to win. I'm glad you did. But I can think of at least two other entries not including my own that impressed me more than this. That is my critique, and I'm sure it means nothing to you.
Sincerely, I offer my congrats.
Thanks for the competition
Elizabeth
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How rude to take this Poets joy.....RUDE!
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Thank you Brother Bear
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Well done on a well deserved win.What a way to start the New Year.I am sure you will continue to go from strength to strength.good luck to you and a Happy New Year, Ros
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I enjoyed the rhyme and meter in this poem. I think the content is original and well penned.
Love,
Amera♥ -
I may well be the biggest meter Nazi on AP so I am itching to point to a couple of places where you have slipped ...
However ...
The meter is delicious, stunning in fact, through most of the poem where it is perfect. The theme is nicely handled and the imagery delightful.
I particularly the like the device of the monorhymed final stanza which gives a finality to the piece, punctution by poetry if you like
Superb!
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TO quote you, "True beauty.". I really enjoyed reading this one! Lovely imagery and language!
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Hi there and welcome to the POY!
I found this to be a truly lovely write, despite the theme being one I've often seen...yet your metaphors are beautiful, the rhyming (almost) perfect, and the rhythm...well...it breaks in a few places, though on subsequent readings isn't bad by any means. I hope Amera's comment/suggestions are ones you'll find helpful to give this a final polish after the contest...this is definitely deserving of any additional time and effort you might want to put into it. Wonderful to see a well-written rhyming poem in the POY...or in any PO for that matter.
(It's been a while!) Thanks so much for your entry and good luck!
Best wishes,
~J.
Remember: No editing once a judge has commented, until after trophies have been awarded. -
Hello Valerie ~
Such a beutiful Poetic Voice you have placed before your Judges ~
Your meters almost match perfectly...not bad ~
Your Mets are gorgeous......and as Amera mentioned, with a bit of editing, this will be one of the prettiest poems I have read in a very long time ~
As I said....Poetic Voice is what gets my attention....and even though this is not really an original Theme, you have placed your own mark upon this Genre.....well done...I hope this makes it in the top 10 spots ~
Good luck and God bless you!
Bear ~
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Hi there and welcome to the POY this is an interesting poem a theme that I have seen before the second and thirds stanzas are my favorite. Remember no editing once a judge has touched your work.
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Liked the idea of these lines - not that common a theme. Good visual images, flow and rhyme, most rhythm as well. Wishing you well...
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Again I find the soul knocking the unknowns there up in the universe with a curious tone..and brining the depth into the meaning of life..
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The theme is good I love the third stanza and how it sounds the rhyme does break in a few places, but other than that is good
~GOOD LUCK~
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Lovely write!
And your theme is great!
the rhyme scheme is good...but falls off in the end...
IF you would have used "alliance" rather than allegiance
Thanks so much for your entry! Best wishes in the contest.
Write on!
REMEMBER: NO editing once a judge has commented!
My scores will appear in final notes…
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This poem is beautiful in sentiment, rhyme, metaphor and imagery. As a lover of formal poetry I am helping to judge this contest and I see a few improvements you may consider. You have a wonderful structure using all trimeters with Trochiac lines alternating with the Anapestic lines.
Anapest:
a foot of three syllables, two short followed by one long in quantitative meter, and two unstressed followed by one stressed in accentual meter, as in for the nonce.
Trochee:
a foot of two syllables, a long followed by a short in quantitative meter, or a stressed followed by an unstressed in accentual meter.
I think you broke the meter in several lines and with a small bit of editing this poem can become a true masterpiece.
This is a very difficult contest and I’d like to see you have every edge.
Love,
Amera♥
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Wow~
Oh My this is a Beauty and You sure know how to rhyme Beautiful~
Love this and the message You have brought through
one of these days I need to try these type of contests-
Excellent~ and Love the prompt You have chosen
Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
Many blessings to You in the contest Sweet One
Best wishes too
with much love & light~ Desire~*~
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Awww, how sweet. Every little girl wants to bve a ballerina and be graceful. Good luck to you in the contest.
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Hello, and welcome to the POY
This is lovely and very well-written; not that common a theme, that's for sure! So eloquently-penned and elegant, like a professional production of 'swan lake'
As those of us in theatre say: "break a leg!" Good luck, and my scores will be revealed come the end of the contest
Laura
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