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fog.

smoggy breaths
and nicotine patches
arise,

from the bottom
of the ocean,

where you lie
like a drenched
candle

without a thought
in your head
about the boulders,

that come on
just like

your lies.

Author notes

35 words.
wow so i actually wrote exactly 35 words, without editing it or anything! i was quite surprised.
enjoy.


--
mesmerized--x

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11
  • a beautiful & lovely piece!

  • "smoggy breaths
    and nicotine patches
    arise,

    from the bottom
    of the ocean,

    where you lie
    like a drenched
    candle"

    Well deserved HM

    This is beautiful

    It really is =]

    Shelly


  • purpleIronbutterfly
    December 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    that is how I feel when someone lies to me, great word play


  • Sweet Impatience gold member
    December 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think that you did an outstanding job with the prompt. your imagery is excellent. and you have written an excellent poem in just 35 words.. next time we'll have to try for 30 or perhaps 20.

    good luck
    kat


  • hks
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    im so lost.?

    lol

    ahh
    so sleepy
    if im beign a dumbass forgive me xD
    im jetlagged like crazy..
    lol
    weirdest imagery ever
    xD
    amazing


    • etoile
      December 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      does weird imagery = amazing poem?
      i hope


      • hks
        December 16, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        no

        "written by mesmerized--x" = amazing poem.
        =P


        • etoile
          December 16, 2008

          Edit | Reply
          ahhh
          you just made my day!
          ps. my names emma


  • stasis
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful.

    I really have no words for this, other than if you think you still have writer's block, you're insane. This is probably one of the best I've read of yours.

    ♣ Tegan

    • etoile
      December 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks tegan
      i dont think i have writers block anymore, thankfully
      im kinda iffy on the quality of my extra short pieces tho
      but since you think its good that gives me hope aha

1 - 11 of 11