I Did It But You Aren't Allowed

I'm crying because
all else seems pointless
words make no sense
action has no meaning
nothing more to do but
Let the cold tears pour
from the river
of my aching heart
been there
done that
the unforgiving stab
that heightens the pain
accents the bleeding
beautiful sorrow reaps
through my entire being
and I hate you for
what you do to me
for if you really love
I've heard someone say
that if you truly love them ,
then it gives you pain,
for  loving someone makes
you vulnerable to the damage,
I did the same things,
wrote the same heart broken word,
when words had a place
and a purpose
but today all I can do is
cry and attempt to cross
the bridge of a meaning
take action do what you will
make it work
but nothing I can do
makes this hurt any less
I wrote for another
with all my heart and soul I tried
To woo him and win him back
my heart now lives i your arms,
you won whatever was left of me
the broken bits of reality
but you lived for another too
loved here in a way I'll never know
pure teeming jealousy
diables me from words
so all I do is cry bitter tears
for a time gone by
selfish female that I am
I did it but NO you can't
And from this moment
all words lose meaning
and I want to remember
what it feels to be strong
I'm weak from your being
Forgive me my weakness
my inability to overcome ,
ignore and accept,
what this it,
and take it for that
crying now
beacuse there is nothing else to do
why do I let myself feel this way
reaped in green
I hate myself for what I do to me
and despite its hypocritical nature,
I can't halp wishing
you culd take those times back
and rewrite every word.
for me...