Through the entangled grace
of my sweethearts glare.
Through Summer’s presence,
and its smell in your hair.
Simple things;
complicated memories,
an indifferent ease.
Each step we took,
in these coloured fields,
Defied the last,
An endless struggle.
We were borne by a love,
That had bitten its own
poison tail.
Clouds took shape,
A beautiful grey,
Casting its vast shadow
over the broken fields.
Rain fell so hard,
We had to close our eyes.
Rain fell so heavy,
Purifying.
When we opened our eyes,
There was just shades of grey.
A beautiful unity,
Just shades of grey.
“Rejoice” you said.
But I was already smiling.
Author notes
Two lovers. The guy acts like a douche bag early on. Then things become amazing.
It's all conveyed by a walk through a colourful field, that was so colourful it was blinding. Then all the colours become different shades of grey. Grey is not a gloomy colour. Grey is a beautiful colour.
I like grey.
AN - Trent plus pen
A contest entry
- Points for poems hardly seems like a fair trade but... if you really want to... by internal heights.
1500 points, ended December 16, 2008, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Just Love Fantastic Titles by 2lullabyhaven.
650 points, ended December 20, 2008, 41 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspiration - Celebrating my Fifth year on allpoetry by me alone.
700 points, ended January 7, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites. by Simone Brooklyn.
700 points, ended January 18, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
This is really good. Particularly like the title - would make a great title for a novel...
-
Each sentence is so full of meaning..."my sweetheart's glare" "a love that had bitten its own poison tail"--awesome. I can almost see how gray would be calming after a tumultuous beginning to a relationship.
-
Really beautiful.|
I like the last two lines.
It's interesting, grey not being used as gloomy.
Good luck. Thank you for entering. -
I love the title, first of all. It sets an excellent stage for the reader. Such excellent flow and imagery, sustained throughout the poem.
Wow!
Thanks for sharing, and congratulations on the shiny trophies attached
God bless, and a happy new year,
Zach -
Very interesting, a nice flow, and a complete little stroy in such a few words. Nicely done.
-
'We were borne by a love,
That had bitten its own
poison tail.'
Definitely my favourite part. Although, the purifying rain seems...[no pun intended] to be the apprpriate climactic turn.
Very nice.
-
We were borne by a love,
That had bitten its own
poison tail.
by the ever graceful sky, this merges the inner eye to the scene of enhancement, alike the events of natures beauty cleanse you both from a past imovable by ordinary means of colour, and the intuition of a clear bright future ends with that beautiful ending line... anywashes well written dear poet a feast for the mind plants indeed...
w orange juice
-jas
-
What a title, thanks for your entry
-
Wow I really liked this. It was clear and concise yet it had such great imagery and such an optimistic end. None of those stanzas seemed forced they all fit perfectly into that progression (that you explained in your author's notes) of douche bag guy to someone that you can tell really cares.
I love grey too and I love how you used it in the poem. It can have such a bleak connotation at one point and then just turn around and be something really beautiful. I like how you sort of captured both sides as the transition between asshole kid to amazing person.
Nice write and thanks a bunch for entering.
-
-
Thanks a bunch for the in depth reply, appreciate the feedback.
And cheers for the contest!
Peace!
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
