If we make it through December
there won't be any doubt
You will be the one I marry
I won't ever feel let down
If we make it through December
our hearts can only grow
passion doesn't come easy
lust isn't what I want now
If we make it through December
January will soon come
the first of the year
brings new beginings of better things to come
If we make it through December
we can bloom in the spring
fall and then summer
will be right in our reach
If December doesn't end well
and neither one of us make it through
I am afraid it will be my last one
as I wont know what to do
a December heart break is worse than
losing you in the fall
I would be starting the new year alone
and alone is the worse feeling of all
You are everything I ever wanted
and I see more of what I want each day
without you I am afraid
my heart will melt like the snow did yesterday
January will come
and I won't have to worry
if you are by my side
as my beautiful winter beauty.
but only if...
we make it through December...
A contest entry
- If we make it through December... by Danna Hobart.
400 points, ended December 29, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please give me your honest opinion. I will return the favor a.s.a.p thanks.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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and alone is the worse feeling of all... it should be "worst."
Thank you for entering. -
Wow babe. What a great write. It really is a beautiful piece with lovely flow. I know your worried about what the rest of the month holds for us... but everythings gonna be okay. Just keep the faith alive cuz i do love you so very much. This is probably one of my favorite poems that you have written.
>Me<
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, there isn't anything i can really say about this other then amazing, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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Hello!
I truly like the concept, making use of the required criteria. Something endearing is being made available to be shared by the reader.
Suggestions:
~ I just think it could be economized by tailoring the rhetoric. Words like it, I, and possessive pronouns such as 'my'. Merging some of the stanzas by :
~Eliminating the filler words, and replacing the 'trite', such as if you are by my side, etc.
~ The ending is okay, but it could be concluded with this stanza or have the last line wrapped in the ones you have.
a December heart break is worse than
losing you in the fall
I would be starting the new year alone
and alone is the worse feeling of all
The rhythm is good, more like blank verse.
typo, oopsie
[loosing] you in the fall<-- you meant 'losing'.
A very nice contender! Warmly, CookieZeal/D
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thanks so much for your wel in depth comment. I appreciate your caring words and advice thank you for commenting my piece it is greatly appreciated.
best of luck to you in the future and with your writing.
andi
(redhanded)
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