Today was my day,
it was going to be easy.
But then my girl left me,
told me she was cheating behind
my back, with my best mate.
Today is still my day.
Cops broken into my house
and ripped though my crap,
saying they had a warrant.
They wanted to know
where were the gun,
drugs, and stuff.
Looking at the paper,
they got the wrong address,
today is still my day.
Own my Dealer and my Bookie,
but going nothing but coins,
they both drag me to the alley,
and crack on my head.
Introducing me to the two F’s,
Mister Fist, and Mister foot.
But in the end I smile
today is still my day.
Author notes
my prompt was
'broken, battered ,destroyed but not fallen"
before-i-wake
Don't know where this came from but i just wrote it down, i plan to fix it. i think it was the qoute and i was listen to the Streets, keep it flowing
A contest entry
- Quickie- give it all you've got! by lillypilly.
700 points, ended December 15, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
i do plan to edit so any and all advise is welcome, or just drop a line and tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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Wow if you can still say it is your day after going through something like that; you would have to be really strong in yourself. This was very well put together congrats on second in the contest. SH
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Wow
This is a very cool poem although it's sad that stuff like that actually does happen...... I wish bad guys didn't exist, but then again the world would be unbalanced if there wasn't a little evil
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life
this was cool it sucked because shit like this really happens but u take a hit and keep trooping a soldier to the end.
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Wow... Sounds kinda like bad luck...
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The bunnys didn't show up so I guess I did read it
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I don't know how I missed this! Wow this is really a hard hitting and raw poem. I can feel the underlying anger and emotion as it oozes from its seems.
Love,
Amera♥
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Wow. I like it. Even though the speaker kept a positive outlook, though, it was kind of neurotic. I mean, if someone was bashing my head it, I would break down and admit I was having a bad fucking day. LOL
Congratulations on your silver trophy!!
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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interesting poem to come from that prompt. but i like it!
very optimistic.
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I like how your speaker is optimistic, even when all the bad things happen. It also makes me wonder if such a thing happened to you.
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Coolio
Ah, optimism. Indifference to the negativity, the trying times, the annoyances and inconveniences of not-so-daily life.
Super poem, man. Especially for the "quickie" contest. -
Hmm
Very unique considering I've never really seen you write like this.. So out of character for your usually deep and flowing poems. A few grammatical errors, but hey I'm not going to be picky at 5 in the morning! Hope you are doing well my old friend. Kahy -
wow what a day
this would be a trying day for anyone! Great stuff, but in real life it would really suck! Keep it flowing! The Shaker -
I kinda like this. It reminds me of one of my poems with a similar theme: bad things happen but never foil your mood. good job.
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This is Awesome!!!
I totally loved this!!! this is your day and you could have kept it flowing because this sweet! you ROCK!!!
thank you for sharing!!you desreve Gold shiny!!!
many blessings
Rend
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this was a great poem
what a good outlook to have -
I really liked this, it really deserved the trophy you got. The only line that sort of confused me was this;
"but going nothing but coins,"
Perhaps it could be written more clearly, either that or I'm just not reading it right.
Anyways, i love the use of satire and it was an enjoyable read.
Crazy-Love♥ -
a truely deserved silver cup a satire of modern day and things that just happen
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this is great. it put a smile on my face, because it described the day i had yesterday. i love it. keep up the great work (i know you will) *lol*
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Amazing! I love it I turly do! keep up da good work and all that!
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Hey, don't fix it... unless you can make it immaculate, because seriously, this is amazing!
my the flow of your pen never stop. -
An interesting take on the prompt. Show so much courage and will, not letting some minor things ruin your day, but let it happen and accept it.
This poem truly did deserve that shiny siver, this is brillitant.
Congrats from your princess, my knight.
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good
like it like it...iwould say that is a horrid day haha keep writing your great! -
Hi Aaron!
Different to my usual kind of reading material, so I thought I'd take a peep
I've grown quite accustomed to the wail of police sirens around here, being back in city life again, rather than in the quiet countryside where I used to live for a while, lol. I hope this isn't based on your real-life happenings, as I'd wonder how you'd find the time for writing poetry 
It was good to read something different though, and take my head out of the night sky, and away from the stars and moons for a bit 
Editorial suggestions for your consideration:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
1)"told me she was cheating behind
my back, with my best mate."
... You could just erase the "behind my back", since cheating tends to be something done behind another's back anyway, so it's almost to double-state the situation. It also makes one line of it, which (to me personally) made this section flow more readily.
2) "Own my Dealer" ... I think Own should be Owe, in this case. i.e. If you "own" your dealer, he'd not be in a position to come after you, lol.
2) Mister foot ... use a capital letter for Foot, as with Fist, for consistency.
Hoping the above is useful to you, and that a good Xmas and New Year are heading your way.
Best wishes,
Stu
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Great Job
i love this poem i love the emotion in it i love the whole thing i have nothing complain about just to say amazing job keep it up keep on going stay true stay sic and peace out
John"GoodbyeFarewell"Erue -
aw such an emotiona write but I enjoyed it very much...well pend
keep up the good work.
andi
(redhanded) -
i liked it, even though i think if those things happened to me i wouldn't think it was my day. lol
but great write non the less.
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Congrats on the silver!
Wow, think I would have given up around the second verse, gone back to bed and pulled the covers tight...till the next day
Excellent piece hunni, congrats on the silver attire
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I like this hon and I enjoyed this read! You did a great job on this
Cops broken into my house
and ripped though my crap,
saying they had a warrant.
They wanted to know
where were the gun,
drugs, and stuff.
Looking at the paper,
they got the wrong address,
today is still my day.
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Nice write - fresh, full of attitude.
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and im sure glad i dont ahve days like that lol this is great coz it does what every poet wants a poem to do!! its keeps a reader reading and then becomes a topic of conversation... great work
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Oh my! What an attitude! I guess it is your day; now you can sue the cops.
Love,
Amera♥
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Sounds like a day from hell. Sounds like a journal entry, or something just as personal. Those are the best poems to read. Best of luck in the contest. If you're going to revise it, I wouldn't change a whole lot. It's good how you have it now.
xxoo
gypsy -
interesting piece.. you rule!!!
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A very interesting write... at least the poor subject here is still cheerful... it must be all that good cheer in the egg-nog(!!) Good luck in the contest!!
P.S. keep smiling!!
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lol... well done i like very much as always ...
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