In these final moments
I feel so dishonest
As Im breaking through
out of myself and into you
These are the times taht we
live alone and live a lie
Living on the outside
and dieing on the inside
Rain falls as the tears of the sky
beating down on my window
bring down all these feelings
that pour from the sky
Un-intentional pain, still feels the same
Even if you cry~
You can point the blame, but it all ends the same
Even if you cry~
In these days full o fsadness and pain
everyone cries as they throw it all away
but they dont know what they're doing
they dont know what they're missing
They throw it all down and dont even think,
that what they need is gone
but they dont know what they're doing
they dont know what they're missing
If they just say goodbye
as they smile and they lie
it'll be okay, it all feels the same
If you just walk away
as you say pleasant things
it'll be okay, it all ends the same
In these times of such masquerading
such hidin gof our feelings
we live in the shadows of the future
everything begins here
Un-intentional pain, still feels the same
Even if you cry~
You can point the blame, but it all ends the same
Even if you cry~
In these days full o fsadness and pain
everyone cries as they throw it all away
but they dont know what they're doing
they dont know what they're missing
They threw it down without a blink
they dont even know that the shadows that they cast
will come back and haunt them till their very last
In these days full of,sadness
full of,pain
full of,misery
As our lives,wilt away
Remember for every stone you throw
a ripple renegades
For every tear you cry
its just another rainy day
Every step you take
as you walk away, will begin to fade
Just remember
that it all feels the same
and it all ends the same
A contest entry
- Verse Poetry - Form or Metered by Corey Harvard.
500 points, ended December 27, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
tell me about it xD
Comments
-
LOVED IT!
=] well done! -
To be completely honest with you, I think what you have here is a poem that wants to be a song. It has its highlights (e.g. "As I'm breaking through/out of myself and into you") but even in my favorite spots, I this piece appeals more to the songwriter in me than the verse poet.
See, with lyrics, it's common for the flow of words to change. Which, in some ways, gives you more liberties to break the constraints of meter or rhyme schemes. In this poem, there really isn't adherence to a particular meter, and the rhyme is not consistent throughout. That's why I say this would possible do well as a song. Have you ever thought of finding someone to put music to some of your writing? You should give it a try.
For future reference, be sure to spell check your poem for typos. You've got a few of them here, and even when I do my best to disregard them, they still manage to be eyesores.
Anyway, I appreciate the submission! Happy holidays.
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