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Where's The Fun?

No more waking up
in between dark night and light day,
to make a sandwich
of leftovers from yesterday.

Where's the fun?
Gone, young man, gone.

No more poker games
with all my dear and beloved friends,
and having dancers
as a background, has faced its end.

Where's the fun?
Gone, young man, gone.

No more ecounters
with pretty strangers I carried;
they were memories--
memories better off buried.

Where's the fun?
Gone, young man, gone,

After you get married.

Author notes

Rhyme scheme: abcb de... Beats: 5/8/5/8 - 3/4. Enjoy
And thanks for Walking Oxymoron for providing me with the excellent title!

A contest entry

Was the last line effective?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Swan song gold member
    December 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    The way you crafted this poem accentuated the humor in it!

  • kedoconnor
    December 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    smart and earthy

    of course there is great truth in what you say. like the young man who seeks love, finds it and now he feels the pain. yet marriage is unpronounced pain, so profound that i cannot explain because i am in so much pain. well done!

    keep truth,
    you say what i am thinkin'
    ui'connabhair


  • DinkyDiver gold member
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hehehe I love this, how effective is that last word and so true for most men

    I think marriage helps men grow up lol sometimes.......... x


    • jamesbliss
      December 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      "I think marriage helps men grow up lol sometimes........." => ARE YOU SEXIST??? jk.
      Thanks for the comment, by the way!


  • Walking Oxymoron
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The last line was very effective indeed! And thank You for Thanking Me.
    It gives you brownie points!! (Sad but true!)

    I loved this, it starts of wistful and aw... then you deliver that punch of a last line... and you understand why!!
    I'm not married, perhaps that is the reason??!"!


    • jamesbliss
      December 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the comment! I'm not married either, but I've heard my married friends whine enough times to have a pretty decent idea of what it's like... lol!

1 - 6 of 6