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memories of the snow

 

.

 

Fall has come and gone with its special reason

giving way for change to a new kind of season.

The beauty of it all will travel across every land

gently flowing down from Gods greatest hand.

.

Winter arrived making a sparkle through the air

remembering the birth of Jesus as we all prepare.

Showing much love in fellow man with its pass

and giving of hearts, instilled from Sunday mass.

.

Presents being wrapped with tender loving care

strangers sitting at tables of food we will share.

Children on their sled down hills upon icy snow

& stockings hung on mantles with a fire below.

.

"Greetings of cheer" start ringing out one and all

laughter drifts from a room just down the hall.

Kisses between doorways lined in its mistletoe

'Oh the precious memories we've come to know.

 

Let love stay fresh with the memories of today

because if we don't, they will quickly slip away.

 

Author notes

I hope this poem leaves each & everyone on this site

a beautiful memory in their passed.

 Much Peace, Love and a Merry Christmas

 to all here dear friends!...GETS

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Miss Faerie Greeters member
    February 23

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    This is a gorgeous poem hon, that makes me see winter and imagine what it would be like to have Christmas that is shrouded in snow.

    Shari


  • ScarletO gold member
    January 17

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    Perfectly beautiful matching the secrets of the snow and the season. I would be happy any day to receive this in my Christmas card. I think Hallmark needs you. Beautiful and emotional touching.


  • Stuart Higginson gold member
    January 7
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    This was an enjoyable and warming piece to read. The rhyme was nicely woven to become the seams connecting each line, and your rhyme-choices were nicely mixed; not too typical or expected. I felt in some lines, that further attention to metre would benefit this piece, as in some lines it felt the metre could've been reduced, to bring it closer to that of preceding or succeeding lines. For instance, Line 3 is 14 syllables, Line 4 has 10. Where superfluous words are found (often words such as "and/of/it") they can be removed to lower metre, as we can sometimes be excessive and almost prosaic in our use of these, while removing them in certain areas would not make a difference to the grammar/reading sense of the poem etc.

    I enjoyed the amount of detail you placed in this piece, especially the nostalgic imagery of the stocking over the hearth ... the gathering of people ... the sharing of a special time etc. Also, I liked the way you wove humanity, the season(s) and religion into the piece, signifying the religious significance but without preaching. The sense of activity throughout this poem is enlivening to feel/envisage.

    Ed Suggestions:
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Stanza 1: I'd suggest omitting "kind of", for metre adjustment; try this and read the connecting lines aloud; see if it smoothens that area of the poem.

    S1 L4: "Gods" should be "God's", as you are referring directly (and possessively) to the one particular God, not a series of Gods. Also, as you are referring to His hand.

    S3 L1: Consider punctuating at the end of this line, perhaps using a semi-colon. This would indicate you're still referring to the people and what they are doing (ie in the stanza's first line you're speaking of them unwrapping gifts ... in the second you're presenting the fact they're around the table. A semi-colon or such punctuation would help define the fact they're doing this around the table, not that they're in two places at once - ie wrapping the presents and eating at the table!

    S3 L4: Avoid the use of symbols in poetry; besides the obviously permitted punctuation marks, and occasionally, numbericals, poetry should be about words, and the ampersand (&) should be replaced with "and" or its equivalent.

    S4 L3: I found this line a little confusing. The "Its" suggests a possessive, ie that one thing belongs to someone/something. Since "doorways" and "kisses" are both plurals, what does "its" refer to?

    Secondly, consider the image of lovers kissing between doorways. The act of a kiss is an intimate one, but "between" doorways suggests the kissers are on either side of them. Consider instead, "in doorways".

    Thirdly, the doorways should be lined "with" mistletoe, not "in" mistletoe. The mistletoe is effectively "on" or "over" the doorway, the doorways are not "in" (or lined in) the mistletoe!

    I hope the above is useful/interesting at least. This was an enjoyable entry.

    Best wishes
    Stuart


  • neverontime
    January 1

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    Beautiful

    Oh, a beautiful depiction of a wonder cheerful time full of love and peace. And a good reminder to keep our memories near and dear. You are a brilliant writer gare bear. LOL! Yeah, I don't know why, but I remembered that nick! LOL! ~Susan

  • Stuart Higginson gold member
    December 16, 2008

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    And I shall look forward to your entry!

    Many thanks for this reservation. However, if you change your mind about entering at any time, please ensure you remove this post, to enable another member to claim the vacancy.


    Best wishes,
    Stuart.

1 - 5 of 5