I am
The designated diaper changer,
The one that rocks to sleep
A crying baby, colicky or teething
until wails subside to breathing.
I am
The official entertainment system,
I come with many faces.
Willing to go the extra mile
Just to make my baby smile.
I am
The accredited midnight crew,
Always working late.
When Kai needs a bottle feed
I cannot mope, I cannot plead.
I am
A middle-class teenage mom,
I work amongst the best.
I run a single woman team
And clutch to life by the seams.
Author notes
Props to lisapoet for helping me smooth out the flaws in this piece.
A contest entry
- Who are you? I want to know. by samantha jean.
1100 points, ended January 3, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Feel Again by lilblueeyesmine1978.
525 points, ended January 15, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - big bang prewrites only contest by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended January 5, 124 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Great Write and it sounds like you are a brilliant Mum/Mom/Ma ~ Whatever...I was given up by a teenage mother and give Kudos to you my friend.
Thank You for Sharing I enjoyed it muchly
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I like it
you seem to have your life together, and are a very caruing parent, keep writing!
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this was a very cool and funny poem and when it comes to babys we are everything to them i had no least favorite part of this poem it was all my favorite
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Thank you!
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yes. i love this, especially that last line, "clutch life by the seams," excellent description. and great, creative job titles "designated diaper changer," "official entertainment system," "accredited midnight crew" -
there are a few rough patches that could maybe use a little fine tuning, mainly the rhyming couplets. "extra mile" seems a bit cliche, i bet you can do something a little more innovative with "smile."
i don't write much rhyming poetry, so sorry i can't help with this more. just off the top of my head, maybe something like
"I come with many faces,
scrunched and stretched into amusing/silly/etc. styles
Just to make my baby smile"
or maybe something with versatile, worthwhile...
the phrasing of "hurt from teething" also seemed slightly odd to me, as did the shift to second person in "Until all you hear is breathing."
maybe could be tweaked slightly to something along the lines of
"A crying baby, colicky or teething
until wails subside to steady breathing"
like i said i'm not that good at this, you can probably think of something better.
anyway, these are minor nitpicks. overall, love the style, and kudos to you both for writing a great poem about this and, more importantly, for living this, for being such a dedicated teenage single mother. -
Awe. I am not a mother, nor a woman, but my mother was a teenage mother. She had me just thirteen days after her sixteenth birthday. So, I do know a bit of what's up. Awesome write. Sweet ta boot! Thanks for the share and keep up the great work!
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I love the first three stanza's because I can identify with them totally. I wasn't a teenage mom, so the last verse...though good... is not quite as easily identifiable. You do a good job of bringing this very real situation into view for all of us. If I were to tweak it anywhere I would tweak the last line...the rest of the poem was very smooth and this last line wasn't for me. But what do I know? Grins. Good job, Write on, poet
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This is soo cool. I love the way that you take pride in caring for your child and you are right about clutching to life by the seams. I think all of us mother's have had days where we seriously think that we are losing our minds. But then there are days when we can't imagine our lives without them. Life don't start till you have kids.
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diaper changer
Love the way you started this poem out. Made me chuckle I was as a youngster the designated diaper changer at times for my little sister. This beginning brought back many stinky memories that I can chuckle at now
. A wonderful poem you've penned here. Best wishes in this contest.
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"I am
The designated diaper changer,
The one that rocks to sleep
A wailing baby hurt from teething
Until all you hear is breathing." - An amazing way to start your piece. I was immediately drawn to this, and you definitely pulled me in.
Wonderful write. Good luck in my contest, and thank you so much for entering. -
Oh, much better. Don't you think? I really like it! Now get moving and enter it! Good luck!
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Think out of the box. Your a< "harried" , "soul-searching, over-wrought, over-worked, middle-class, something like that. I like clutch . How about clutch to life. If you get this done, you can enter it into a contest tonight. write back.
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I like the baby's name better! In the last stanza don't say "confident mom" because it does not say what you are doing throughout the poem. Use a word that represents what you have been saying you are in the poem. The last two lines just don't quite work. I like, "clutching life", but, "right" needs to be changed. Think about it and get back to me. This could turn out to be really good!
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Looks good. I'm looking at the line, "when babe". Does not flow well. Try using her name. Or, An endearing word. See how that works and let me see it. Thanks!
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