i.
She's a flyleaf, you always skip her to go to the good parts of the book. She's the girl with emerald eyes, but if you look close enough you're notice a little of brown around the edges chances are the next day her eyes will be the color of rubies.
She's pearl teeth drilled until they reach the point of perfection which in the end is just numbness.
She's the eraser that's been used far too much.
She's the words that you hold on the tip of your tongue.
She's a hostage inside her own skin.
She's grasping sanity by its strings.
She's thirteen.
She's the beauty in believing.
Her touch brings failure.
She's the loudest of silences.
She's the epitome of pathetic.
She's sixteen.
ii.
I'm not gorgeous not even the slightest bit my hair has dead ends and is this muddy brown colour it just can't seem to stay in place and stray pieces always fall into my chocolate-brown eyes that have seen too much.
I grew up too fast I surpassed my own childhood missed the ages eight through fourteen.
iii.
When I was eleven I use to hold my breath and count not because I wanted to stop breathing or to see who can hold it longer but to see how long I could hold it until I was lightheaded and I passed out.
I lost track at two minutes and I learned that I liked the feeling of control.
When I was seven my dad stopped coming around no one ever told me why all they said was they didn't know where he was. He abandoned me I pretty sure of that now he decided I wasn't worth it and just left without a word. He showed up again when I was thirteen expecting for me to welcome him back with open arms and be his little girl again.
I was far too broken by then.
Once when I was five I met a boy named Stephen he was seven and brought me red corn poppies & paper mache stars painted in shades of grey and purple. I didn't think of it as anything then until I was twelve and he was my best friend I started to realize how his eyes sparkled when he laughed and how he didn't bring me poppies anymore. We stopped being friends and drifted apart. That was my second taste of rejection and my last attempt at friendship.
When I was ten I use to break snow globes open because I wanted to live in them, but I just cut my fingers and got glitter stuck in my wounds it stung and only severed my dreams.
My weakness is you, it always has been. The problem is that I want you to be here, but I also want you as far away from me as possible.
I never knew how broken I really was until you pointed out that my heart was made of paper mache & molded by preschoolers and that the gaps couldn't be filled unless I wanted them to be.
Author notes
hmm working on it going to go over it and make it more descriptive and add more
What do you think of the title?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Great write! I really loved the voice and style you used in this piece. I think instead of adding more you should focus on polishing first. I ended up just skipping the last section because I'm falling asleep and couldn't finish reading...sorry! Nothing against I swear I'm just sleepy. However, what I read in the last stanza sounded great! Again, I would make sure you focus on polishing up what you already have before you add more. There are just a few spots that feel rough around the edges. Otherwise here's what I noticed for typos:
"...you're notice a little of brown around the edges..."
- "you're" should be "you'll"
- Also "edges" needs a period or a semi-colon because it should be the end of the sentence.
"...muddy brown colour... "
- "colour" should not have a 'u' in it.
"...fast I surpassed my own childhood missed the..."
- "fast" is the end of the sentence so it needs a period or semi-colon.
- You need the word "and" between "childhood missed"
Again beautiful work and great write!
~Angi -
Well
If this all true, I feel sorry for you for you've had a lot in your life go wrong. If this is just a piece to let things muster, then good write. I find this piece thought provoking and have a lot depth to it. I find I like how you've broken your thoughts up and how you keep letting it just keep coming out of you. Great work, thanks for sharing. Kahy -
i really like this poem. One of my favorite parts was "When i was ten I used to break snow globes open because I wanted to live in them..."
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well.. i am speechless thats all i can truly say...
.pixi.
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geez, i loved this!!! It was so real i could picture alot of it, the heartbreak. i dont know what else there is to say except this is a great piece, andand i dont know i just really understood alot of it. <3
keep up the writing sweetie =]
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very interesting piece. parts I loved:
When I was ten I use to break snow globes open because I wanted to live in them, but I just cut my fingers and got glitter stuck in my wounds it stung and only severed my dreams.
and
I never knew how broken I really was until you pointed out that my heart was made of paper mache & molded by preschoolers and that the gaps couldn't be filled unless I wanted them to be.
Im also sad for your abandment and hope the best for you.
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A great write...I loved this.
I enjoyed the fact that you put ages to the experiences you have spoken of, I really enjoyed your whole written piece ...you have done really well !!!
A wonderful finish in your last 3 lines...a good realization to come to..and to also be aware there's a choice for you to make.
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Amazing. I really really like this poem!
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"iii.
When I was eleven I use to hold my breath and count not because I wanted to stop breathing or to see who can hold it longer but to see how long I could hold it till i was lightheaded and I passed out.
I lost track at two minutes and I learned that I liked the feeling of control. " - Sorry for copying so much here, but this whole part was very important to your piece, and myself that I didn't want to leave anything out. I like how you make clear of how old you are in each stanza. It makes your' character', (yourself) build more clearly. The last line about feeling in control is amazing. I love the feel of it.
"I never knew how broken I really was till you pointed out that my heart was made of paper mache & molded by pre schoolers and that the gaps couldnt be filled unless I wanted them to be." - Beautiful ending.
The grammar could be a little better, it would make it flow a bit smoother, but other than that - wonderful write.
Thanks for entering my contest, beautiful job, and good luck.
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This is a lovely prose-piece, full of childlike innocence, as well as poise, maturity, and grace. I suck at writing the stuff myself, but I love reading it; it's so very hard to find quality prose nowadays, and you are one of few poets who can pull this off Well done, and thanks for sharing!
Laura
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loved it
I could see your life flip by like a childs book with this piece you have written. I wanted to hold you in thoses tough times you described. I enjoyed this piece very much, keep working on them.
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