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under the windows sphere

lights traveled across the sky
in an adorning, yet festive way
shattered stars collide
fate have utimately decide
the solar planets
the mother of all life form resides
conquering the night
and showing courage and pride in battle
behind the eyes of glass
time is frozen in stone
without people we're all alone
the treasure we seek is near
just look under the windows sphere

A contest entry

please tell me what you think and do you like it?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • anambika
    August 14
    Edit | Reply
    please proof read your work

  • laiqua aran
    March 2

    Edit | Reply
    There are some nice bits of rhyme here and a very interesting poem, but does not seem to relate to my contest prompt, sorry.


  • Denerica
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful, create a wonderful image...in the second line you may want to change a to an since you are using adorning for a word that starts with a vowel. Well written. Blessings.


  • untouched pages
    February 11

    Edit | Reply
    OHHH arin't you just the rhymer... I really enjoyed this write.. I didn't even know it rhymed till i read it thro 3 times... I have to say very impressive.. great job!!


  • etoile
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    'in a adorning, yet feistive way' should be in AN adorning, yet FESTIVE way

    i'm not that fond of rhyme, and without punctuation this didn't flow that well.

    i really liked the imagery though.

    thanks for entering and goodluck


  • januaryrain gold member
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    A clear night sky is one of the most beautiful things I have seen. Even made better when the stars collide or when the Northern Lights light dance across the sky. I really like your poem.
    Well done.

  • A-muse-in-writer
    January 2
    Edit | Reply

    Great poem

    Carries with it such an image well done. Oh I believe in the second line it should be 'festive'


  • Ryan79
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Really good. I liked the cosmic feel of it. It is a really unique peice. I like the way you personified the stars and planets and moons. You made things come alive and described it well.

1 - 8 of 8