could you be loved

you come in at five in the morning
take the keys from the door and throw them on my bed
and collapse on my chest
your head is full of curls you twirl
when you aren’t thinking of anything
you always drink and smoke
so you don’t think of anything

you hold my head like any lover would
but your mind flits between me and nothingness
in the morning you drink a pot of coffee
and make stews doused in Tabasco
call over your friends that make bad rap records
you look at my face, sometimes
I feel it when you look at my face,
it’s like an artist appraising my worth

every night is another joint, another bottle of good rum
and in the early morning when I’m awake
let alone with my jealousy
you collapse on my bed and hold me tight
so I can’t sleep
and earnestly, forgetfully, you tell me you love me.