Moonlight streaming through the open window
Reflecting off a lonely mirror
Illuminating the outline of your face
Although blinded in darkness,
Your cold eyes still hold mine
An icy glare sending chills
Creeping throughout me
Fearful of betrayal you say nothing
Have I a heart black as a dying rose?
Silent questions echo off dark walls
The power of temptation- candy to a child
Swayed from you , I have not
A touch of my hand on yours- my innocence..
Flinching away from the truth
My touch ice to your fire
-Defeat-
...Total silence...
Stiletto heels to floor
Breaking the quiet
Noise ripples through the air to my ear
I hear you walk away
One last time
Author notes
Moonlight- http://lotonero.deviantart.com/art/Moonlight-Shadow-Wallpaper-16316752
Eyes- http://cobrastarfish.deviantart.com/art/Eyes-90388391
Candy- http://misscadence.deviantart.com/art/Wanna-Candy-74863460
Black- http://erlondeiel.deviantart.com/art/Black-Rose-99395019
Stiletto- http://marvelet.deviantart.com/art/Walk-66793196
I wasn't quite sure what this would become but It is now a rather chilling story of love lost.
I'm not sure of the gender of the writer.. could be either.
I am coming back from a very long poetry break - keep that in mind perhaps
Or perhaps my new and improved style has already captured your heart
I kinda like this one
~Kat♥♥♥
PREWRITES CONTEST: N a k a t r e a This is my favourite new write. It doesn't rhyme (yay!) and its more mature. I hope you likes it... and the old one i entered was
Rain : http://allpoetry.com/poem/3895445
In a list
- Girls Talk Boys Talk by Aurielle NEW group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Treasure Hunt --x by Noir mariposa...x.
550 points, ended January 14, 2009, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Any Poem Welcome by jayyniecakes..
1158 points, ended February 16, 2009, 185 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rounds! Tears of Blood and Ink by ladyhelenaofsorrows.
700 points, ended February 22, 2009, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your oldest prewrite poems and my 20th contest by stargazer..
650 points, ended April 20, 2009, 406 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 2009, 981 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - silver III by Salty Hibiscus.
400 points, ended June 5, 2009, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Guess who's back? back again? ya Kat's back EVERYbODY SCREAM! ( and comment!)
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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must be a horrible experience to go thru this. thanks for sharing.
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actually not a true story but thanks for the comment
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Ver descriptive, particularlly the sound of the heels - that worked excellently!
thanks for entering -
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thanks for the comment. I appreciate the feedback
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congrats on the trophies...nice poem ...you made m feel and hear...
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Thanks for reading
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wow [shivers]
that was crazy.
I'm not sure if i picked up the complete message
but it was ridiculously amazing at sending a chill through my body.
i felt it was a last session of making love?
hm maybe i should read it again
good write ")
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ummm not quite... ( only 14 here)
The speaker has been accused of cheating and the girl doesn't want to hear the truth- and so she leaves.
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great. congrats
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Wow... really powerful write, I love it! The way you used punctuation was interesting, and not overdone as the style frequently is. The imagery throughout is great, and the ending poignant. Thanks for the entry!!!!
-Lena -
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Thanks! Its really not dirty pretty though. Its just freeverse.
I'm worried about the rounds to come... I'm not really a dark person
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awww.... sad sad. :[
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Ok i wanted to copy and paste the whole peom and go over stanza by stanza this is such an amazing write!! i found the imgery stunning... and a little bit scary.. I loved it.. Thakn you for penning it poet.. and good luck with the contests!!
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By all means do so. I would love some constructive criticism
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Hunnie it would be just how much I love this stanza the imagery in that one.. it would just be a totaly ego boost... I keep thoes for guys.. they need it more than female poets... lol This is amazing work.
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D:
How do you know I'm not a struggling poet with no self-confidence??? -
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Hun... confidence comes from with-in and i could say all the best about you, But untill you can search deep down and find your sparkle you will never be truly confident.
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*sigh* That was sarcastic on my part but thanks anyway. I appreciate the feedback.
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reflecting off a lonley mirror
this line seems so alone as if the image is so unseen, and then again here
silent questions echo off dark walls
the unseen voice, answers,
a dark read and also a powerful imbalance of a lost love nice steady flow
well done
abigail
*worthy -
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Wow! thanks...
its honestly the best poem i've ever written
I'll be sure to return the favour. Thanks once again. I appreciate the feedback!
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Glad that you won a silver! Awesome write and I hope to see more from ya soon! Thanks for sharing and best wishes!
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thanks for the comment!
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Awesome write. The imagery in this piece is fantasic. I really liked your lines "Stiletto heels to floor Breaking the quiet Noise ripples through the air to my ear" Great take! Best of luck in your contest.♥
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"Although blinded in darkness,
Your cold eyes still hold mine
An icy glare sending chills
Creeping throughout me"
Awww this is awesome
I loved it, you've done very well ^^
Thankyou
I wish you the very best of luck!
Claire x
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Yes...the pain in love is the most important truth of our life which never allow us to breathe even..and that makes us uncomfortable all the time..well thought poetry...
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This is filled with some very good imagery. The first falter I had here, was with your repetition of cold in the second stanza. Over all, this was pretty good. I feel that you are growing as an artist. I expect that you will get even better in not very much longer. Thanks so much for the read.
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Thanks for pointing out the repetition. It bothered me too so one of them is now icy
Love your comments - and they are always appreciated!
*~Kat~*
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Ooooohhhh, A very spine chilling read. Love the wording and the way you tell the tale.
Kate
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that was AWESOME dude. yea i said dude. srry. some people get pissed when i call them dude and they are a girl but u don't mind rit? anyway i think that this was waaaaayyyyyy better then anything i could ever come up with i mean rlly. thats saying something............ish. i can't write that well. nicce job uh Kat. is that ur name i frgot i mean it has been a while.
Keep writing I'll still be round to comment
~Ruth~ -
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Thanks so much!
You can call me whatever you want honey
and yes Kat is what i go by around here
♥♥♥
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Awesome! ^_^
With those prompts, I'd say that you aced your poetic task. Your imagery is beautiful...I mean, seriously, you couldn't have painted a more vivid picture or written a piece to make me think harder about lover's conflict. Great word choices, too...you know I'm a guy that's all for vocabulary and poetic metaphors/similes, and you've got some good ones in here (illuminating, "black as a dying rose" [powerful statement, btw], "my touch ice to your fire"...there's plenty of examples).
So, all in all, great job! Hope to see more from you in the future. ^_^
--Flare
o}--{=======>
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Is it honestly that wonderful???
I feel bubbly now! someone of your great talent likes it!
-happy noises-
♥
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Kat!!
Bout time
Prompts --
-- Moonlight
-- Eyes
-- Black
-- Candy
-- Stiletto
Better do good
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