Two rivers run a lively pace
to greet each other at that place
where I can watch them jump and bound
then link their arms and swirl around.
The waters shivaree, below;
But I have no sure place to go.
Or no one rushing there to see
the emptiness that follows me.
The rivers fill their deepest wounds
with revelry and bubbly tunes.
I leave scars---then dissipate.
I’d hurry---but I’m never late.
A contest entry
- Verse Poetry - Form or Metered by Corey Harvard.
500 points, ended December 27, 2008, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Lovely poem, you've used some very emotive language and created a lovely story.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest. -
wow this piece of yours has put poetry in my mouth, hows go? erm, the waters, the meeting of them, the instistance you show and the observation points to muster are exciting, so'
At the run in where two rivers meet at pace,
To greet each other there between the race
Of time I watch, those ripples in a trance
For whom the worse for wear shall not entrance.
I watch for that embrace as arms have done;
With linking arm, to which crescendos bound
Increase the waters edge with mighty pound
Each encouraged by the battle duly won.
The deepest wounds leave revelry in tact,
Master the obituary no rushing glance conceives
Disabled by the other as if nothing but impact,
A complimentary passion this sight believes.
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Hey, thanks!
For someone to write a poem about my poem! That's great. Regards Marlin
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How many river poems have been written? But this one does stand apart. Your poem begs the reader to become a part of your tune. And it reads like a summer afternoon idyl on the banks. I read and am soothed.
"I'd hurry, but I'm never late"
Your muse, sir, is more punctual and considerate than my own!
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Sidera,
Thanks for the kind words. I never get too concerned writing about something that has been written about before. There really is nothing new under the sun. (oops, I think that has been said before!). I got over myself a long time ago. I'll never be more, or less, novel than nature. Regards, Marlin
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You've conveyed a lot in just a few stanzas. There are immediate qualities that set this apart from other poems in the contest. Let's get right to it:
You have a very firm handle on phrasing. The poem flows with ease and yet it preserves the subtleties that give it that Robert Frost edge (especially in stanza two: But I have no sure place to go./or no one rushing there to see/the emptiness that follows me). It has a semblance to "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" or "Desert Places".
Meter isn't an issue for you; this is solidly iambic. Also, I never felt like your rhyming was forced or awkward. So, pertaining to form, you're spot on.
I'm very impressed by your style and your form. I have no doubts that this will move to the finalist bracket. -
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Corey,
Thanks fo rthe comments. And, thank you for the contest and spending your time, talents, and knowledge on others. I am an engineer, and a science and math tutor, so I have grown to love to understand and apply the princilpes of a discipline. That being said, I am a novice poet, and am very much experiential. So, I am eager to learn from a master on the subject!
Yes, I am a big Frost fan. And, the woods are lovey, dark and deep. Wouldn't you agree? regards, Marlin
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OOPs! Forgot applause!
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I love this... I see the speaker as the wind, but this may not have been what you meant, just the way I see it. As the poet Auden said, "the words of a dead man (the dead poet, Yeats) are modified in the guts of the living."
The personification of the two rivers is a fun and uplifting part of the poem. I enjoyed the time I spent with your work.
Write on, poet. -
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Thanks very much for the comments. Yes, I agree with Auden's view. I like to make lay out a basic concept but leave the specific interpretation to the reader. Sometimes,someone askes me to "explain" a poem I have written. When I try to explain it, it goes away!
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