City is empty.
Walkways gather in street spotlights
and sigh out the compressed heat
of a thousand leather-soled obligations.
Shadows press on concrete
draping brick and mortar
with betrayed expectations
and broken promise
and night still clings
just under fedora-felt
down to the edges of the soul.
I never could shake a bad day,
but sometimes I can
lose it for an hour or two
behind the creak of a barstool’s swivel
and the black heat
of a five-cent cup of excuses.
And then there’s you
Some kind of scarlet dream;
red-dressed and green-eyed--
bright nails on porcelain fingers
and crimson-bold lips
grace a waiting canvas on which
I could paint my fantasies--
my future.
But something about the way
you gaze at ghosts that rise
from your dying cigarette;
the way your eyes never laugh
(just give me that sideways glance
and almost-smile),
keeps me staring through the windows
wishing I was on the other side.
Author notes
Prompt: Divebar
Inspired by the Edward Hopper painting "Nighthawks" 1942.
http://www.ibiblio.org/wm/paint/auth/hopper/street/hopper.nighthawks.jpg
Yes, I know that the "Phillies" is a cigar name brand as used in the painting but I decided to make it the name of the place.
Enjoy
In a list
A contest entry
- divebar by tara wilson.
1750 points, ended December 31, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - So You Think You Can Write by skyviewexpress.
600 points, ended November 11, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I'm glad I ran across this one, as divebar was always a writer I had admired, but he fell off of my list, somehow. Thank you for reminding me. Congratulations on your gold trophy for this poem, Brian. 
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dynamite!
...really.
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Yep! So deserving! Glad to see Tara and Lee enjoyed this a much as I did. Congrats, Everwind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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dive and conquer
i know the nighthawks work, but my first impression was more graphic novel, frank miller-esque imagery. i like the eye popping noir contrasted with bright nail polish color; this poem is like tailing someone through the streets and seedy interiors of a dark night of the soul. -divefish
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i love your tone of voice in this poem soooo much, you capture the mood of the picture and the bar.
i love this..i soooo enjoy reading this poem again and again..wonderful creativity, thanks for entering!
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Having absolutely no preconceptions (not aware of the contest prompt before reading), I can say whole-heartedly that you totally captured a scene, a time, and characters that perfectly fit with what I now know to be the prompt. You amaze me at how you can write on any topic, in any voice and with any prompt as an expert. You were there and I know you were in real life-- and don't remind me that you are too young and weren't born yet! Just an amazing experience.
Absolutely incredible use of personification not only to set the scene, but to reflect your characters' mood. And the details--wow!!! the felt, the creak, the smoke...everything, just perfect.
Amazing ending, saying everything without saying hardly anything. What an strange effect she had on him!
Yep, as always, I remain you biggest fan.
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A fan? That is a compliment of the highest order coming from a master such as yourself! I don't think I can take the pressure of living up to that kind of expectation. Besides, you know that I'm YOUR biggest fan--well, at least your biggest sane one. Anyway, you have so many fans on this website and you deserve every one of them!
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Just amazing as usual. I strive to be as brilliant a writer as you, But I know that won't happen. Such a stunning piece. You certainly have a way of grabbing the reader with your metaphors and imagery. .
Best wishes with this, althought I doubt you will need them.
Gaylene
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Gaylene, it's from reading your poems that I saw the potential for poetry that was in a painting or picture promt. You are so very good at seeing into the picture and story contained there. I have struggled with picture prompts but am finding them more easy and enjoyable than they used to be. I only hope that one day I will be able to see the story with the ease that you do!
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Your poem which refers to the painting brings this artwork alive. it is is impregnated with the same sense of loneliness and alienation as Hopper's painting is, perhaps even more.
Great write.
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If I know Tara...and I do, she will absolutely love your style of writing. You had me from the beginning, squeezed me in the middle, and took away my breath in the end. I know I've said it before, but you truly are a stunning writer. Love, Lane
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Thanks Lane. I'm sorry about that but I do try to crush my readers mercilessly. It's not very nice I know, but I want them to feel something. I want them to experience the poem instead of just read or analyse it. I know that you know what I'm talking about because I've been crushed by several of your poems myself.
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you just crushed me again....
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