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Sonnet In Time

Mortality is pressing on my soul
unmerciful, he melts the sky away
and nothing, save the solemness and cold
can penetrate the passing of the days.

He whispers in the dullness of the wind
at midnight, with a tainted melody.
In dreams of dying lovers he descends
devouring yet another memory.

Between the stars I see his tresses dance
arising  like a misty winter breath.
His kiss is long, he pulls me to romance;
unending light-- the beckoning of Death.

The echoes fade, the moment of release;
the spirit falls to never ending peace.

 

 

 

 

 

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Frodofan silver member
    June 24
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    Another beautiful one. You are a breath of fresh air!

  • catz Moderators member
    April 2

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    A lovely sonnet, Mary I've recently written my first attempt at a sonnet and improve as I write more.
    Yours seems so perfect as to the form, yet it flows gracefully and unforced.

    Dee

  • SupremeDreamer
    December 25, 2008

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    Well executed.

    I really like how you avoided rigidity with the sonnet form. There are many sonnets that seem to march to repetetive drum beats rather than flow naturally, with grace- such as the one you posted above.


  • Mythtress
    December 16, 2008

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    I love this sonnet and admire your tenacious spirit for writing one. I usually scream and give up. Beautifully written and poignant. Write on, poet.


  • Corey Harvard gold member
    December 16, 2008

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    What a thoroughly satisfying sonnet! Where to begin...

    As a whole, this is a clean and poignant work of art. The subject is compelling. And what a way to bring us in, "Mortality is pressing on my soul" - what a profound line. If that doesn't prompt one to read on, I don't know what could. So great job with the theme and throwing us right into it.

    Pertaining to your style, I have no complaints. Your poetic voice reminds me of Emily Dickinson's in a couple ways. For one, the places you break your sentences; and two, the phrasing. I do have a comment on grammar. I'm not positive about this, but I think "unmerciful" might be more grammatically accurate as "unmercifully", seeing as "unmerciful" is answering the question "how?" and that's the function of an adverb.

    Form is flawless - I have nothing to say about meter and rhyme. This aspect of the poem seems to come natural to you.
  • Eusebius
    December 13, 2008

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    Oh, yes, yes, indeed! This is a most excellent sonnet, fine, wonderfu, well crafted! There are, sadly, to few such seen anymore... bravo!


  • IneptRose
    December 13, 2008

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    The line I like most is "And nothing...can penetrate the passing of days". You did a wonderful job, though next time you do a sonnet, it would look much better if you centered it

1 - 7 of 7