It didn't rain again today,
The sky was shining blue.
No clouds to chase the sun away,
No change to darker hue.
And yet, I miss the thunder sound,
The fall of earth's wet need.
I hear instead the west wind howl,
The oak tree's thirsty plea.
Beneath my feet the dry earth cracks,
Scorched plants give up the fight.
And dew, just dew, will wet the ground
When dawn defeats the night.
I watch the crops wither away,
My hope is with them still.
It didn't rain again today,
One wonders when it will.
Author notes
This poem was inspired by a recent drought, but it turned into a metaphor for something else entirely.
A contest entry
- Verse Poetry - Form or Metered by Corey Harvard.
500 points, ended December 27, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any suggestions for revision or constructive criticism is appreciated.
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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I love the even meter and the personification. Hell with the literary crap, it was just damned good!
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Very nice rhyme and flow.
And believe me i know what living through a drought is like i am still going through now . I live in Georgia and our lakes are still halfway dry. We are still in need of rain. This poem was awesome. keep penning my friend!
-Mandi
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A solid contemporary piece.
Parched tongues are always outstreched in earnest, skywards in prayer, yearning for moisture.
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I really get this. I lived through a drought both physical and spiritual in the past. waiting, wanting needing the rain, to feel. very well expressed!
great job!
NotAMolly
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No relieve for anything
that would flourish.
Just waiting for that frightening
thunder to crack the sky.
Shake things up,
make things grow.
Superb writing lass.
I enjoyed it.
Your comment on mine
is much appreciated.
Peace,
Lowell Poe.
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FANTASTIC!!!!
I was lost within your words!!! No one likes a drought but you have written of it beautifully.
's
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An insight to that wonderland... You have pened down the real thoughts here....Very well written.. Loved how it went all along...
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loved the way you describe th need for rain the very hope could be heard in your plea so much is ruined when theres no rain and you have brought the reader to this vital information why its important for the rain so that theres no drought and famine well
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very good
enjoyable readf -
I live in the San Joaquin Valley where we only recieve betweeen four and six inches of rainfall a year, and yet, 1/3 of the nation's produce is grown here. That is because the farmers have developed a very efficient form of irrigation. When I lived in upstate New York, the farmers there basically planted and prayed for rain. My sixth grade teacher did not even know what the word irrigation meant. Okay, that is my geography lesson for the day
As far as the poem goes, I thought your imagery was superb, and the metaphor is nice and fresh. I am glad I clicked.
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well done
Flows well. Good rhythm. Good rhyme.
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I think it's spelled "scorched", not "scourched".
Beautiful poem! The rhythm and rhyme flow very well, and it was a pleasure to read. I can sense the utter hopelessness in this poem, and at the end it doesn't even sound hopeful, just resigned.Thank you for sharing this. -
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Thanks for that! I did the spell checking thingee (I am a horrible speller) but it didn't recognize it... appreciate your comment and your correction. Blessings, Myth
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In awe.
So wonderful to find the real poets on this site, to read and learn from. The mood is so resigned, fitting for the helplessness of the farmer in a drought. "Dew, just dew".... the depression has set, and it's hopeless...
A very quiet drama.
You have taken us out of our own world, and put us in another's place.
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Mmm. Great conclusion. This one resounded with me. There's hardly anything more important than a good conclusion.
Let's go over the basics. When it comes to subject material, I feel this is satisfying. As "florida marlin" noted, it's a profound place to get inspiration.
As for style, I thought you did well. In general, this moved with ease and I didn't catch any unnecessary fillers. I'm not particularly fond of "thunder sound", simply because the language doesn't feel natural (there is a Navaho ring to it
).
Also, I think your "plead" is supposed to be "plea". Although it looks like it's performing as a verb ("The oak tree's... plead"), it is actually taking the function of a noun. "The oak tree's thirsty plead" is working as an apposition to "howl", and plead is the subject of that clause. All of that to say, plead is a verb and plea is a noun. Therefore, plea is the correct form in that context.
Don't get the impression that I'm fixated on those criticisms; I'm not. As a matter of fact, they do little to bother me (I do want you to change "plead" to "plea". A slant rhyme won't hurt you, I promise).
There are shining moments in this poem. The last two lines of stanza 3 are magnificent and, as I said before, the way you resolved it is phenomenal. Perhaps I'm overreacting a bit... but I REALLY like that ending.
Pertaining to meter, you've nailed it. I did not stumble at all. There's one spot where you break the iambs ([I watch][the crops][wither a][way]) but you make a clean shift into a dactyl (or a spondee, depending on how the reader wants to interpret it), and I'm completely happy with that.
Great poem. Uhg, that ending. Definitely a contender for a trophy! -
I really like this poem. I think that it is profound, indeed, in our modern times, with technology and all the things that we have; that we can still be moved by something so basic as a drought. It demonstrates--poetically--how vulnerable we actually are.. both biologically, and in our relationships. Thanks fo rthe write. Regards Marlin
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Oh, and another thing I noticed when I was re-reading it
"No clouds to chase the away the sun," Maybe "the sun away" instead, because it rhymes with the first line?
And it flows a bit better, in my opinion Just a suggestion! I absolutely love this poem
~Amy
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Aha! You just made my morning!!! I sat here giggling for about five minutes, imagining a lecture on the proper usage of the words 'plea' and 'plead'. So I'm gonna do some research, haha! This is a wonderful poem. It's great to see you writing again! Hoep to see you soon
~Amy
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Hi Amy Love...
THANK YOU! I didn't catch the misprint...until you brought it to my attention. The extra "the" in the line makes it sound so odd. I will consider your other suggestion as well... Hugs. Mrs. W.
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"The oak tree's thirsty plead." Plea? I do not know for certain
"And dew, just dew, will wet the ground
When dawn defeats the night." I -love- this line. I have read it aloud about five times, and I like it more each time I read it
This entire poem flowed beautifully. A very good portrait of the Texan drought problem, though I was kinda hopin' it would -stop- raining a few weeks back hehe. I love this poem, and thanks so much for sharing!! Hope to see you soon
~Amy
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What a beautiful reflective poem this is A pleasure to have clicked on and read Excellent Good luck in the contest
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