Everyday I seek myself,
Every time I lose my way in this reform,
Fallen on my knees in thirst ,
Agitated of the doubts formed.
A young girl died in her twenties.
And I was awed, was it her fate all along?
All the loved one devastated to the point ,
Whisking their way, in this life's lounge.
I was the daughter to my daddy,
And only this appellation was ardent for long,
He then was snatched away by fate or age,
Didn’t want to understand it then or even now.
Pursuing for a definition of me
This craving to be found
I thought certain precincts would define me,
But it only kindled me and aberration was formed.
Dutch Courage became my ally,
I lost myself to nicotine drums...
May the light yield me
This feud with myself is here for long .
Can u relate to the feelings here?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Excellent Writing
I don't understand it, either. We do the best we can.
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Thank YOU
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Self awareness and redemption find their rightful place in this poem.
Just a beautiful piece that is surrounded soft observations of love and loss...
the third stanza was very touching and sweet as was the entire poem.
What are we in this life lass....?
Passing through....who and why are we....are we part of a grand plan... ?
or are we just ghosts trying to save ourselves...?
They say to truly love some one you must know and respect and love yourself first......
thats why so many of us are lost....
we want some one to do those thing for us.
Great write......really got me to thinking...
which is what all great art does lass.....
Bless you
little gypsy,
Lowell -
http://allpoetry.com/contest/2437899
submit this poem to this contest
it is intense perfect for this contest.
or write another one like this for contest -
enter this one in a contest that I will send you
intense and stimulating it is sad and true but well written,
good use of language and good decriptions very
dramatic
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Ah..this is what the life is..you are very true here..but the only remedy is the HOPE and the prayers..to make this life living worthy once again..amen..
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Possible Revisions:
Best line: "I though certain precincts ....was formed." However could it be: "But it kindled fear and aberrations formed" ?
Could "Agitated of the doubts formed" become "Agitated by the doubts thus formed." ?
Could "Pursuing for a definition of me" become "In pursuit of a definition of myself" ?
Final line: could it become -
"may the light not yield me to this internal feud that I myself may be revealed."
Does the poem need to move to a resolution: of either the triggering grief, or the feuding?
JG
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Life's turbulent streams will calm as you age
but its mysteries will always flow on
keep track, perhaps in time we'll know
Love your thoughts
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SEEKING A DEFINITION OF YOU...
I ESPECIALLY LOVED THE LAST TWO LINES...
THOUGH I FEEL A LIL BIT OF LIGHT COULD HAVE BEEN INFUSED INTO THIS WRITE...
PEACE...
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All the mysteries of life cannot be revealed but faith will carry you through it all. well expressed in words I can relate to and I do understand the nicotine drums and the need for them.
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Nailed It !
oh....this is very good....
just excellent.....
real feelings here articulated in the very best form.
to include sweet Erin and your father ...and wove it in so precise...
lots of nice little nuwuncess...
the basic message though is one of fate and faith....
faith that fate will be kind to us.....faith that all the good you believe is true.....
and all the bad is highly exsagerated.
and of course the journey....the mystery of life itself.
Just a masterpiece Susan.
Loved it!
Peace always my sister,
Lowell
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