You turned the planet inside out
To shelter me from deathly skies
The beauty of the evermore
Leaves violet thumbprints on my eyes
The stripes of Jupiter are stretched
To hide a hundred million lies
And stars that burnt out long before
Still twinkle in their first disguise
A contest entry
- pink and purple clouds in the winter sky by j i n.
403 points, ended December 16, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
beautiful word images to go with a beautiful picture. This piece flows and rhymes easily which makes it all that more enjoyable to read. I really like the final line of the first stanza. Very well done.
Rory
-
-
Hi thanks so much for your words...they mean a great deal to me. xxx
-
-
Excellent rhyme and rhythm and a sort of other-wordly love poem from some other dimension. Very strange and lovely in a far-out way.
-
Stephanie
Im sorry that I missed this some how. This is so good.
You are one of the best with rhyme.
Joe
-
This is really quite good. I'm very impressed with the imagery and the rhythm and rhyme. Well done.
Garrison
-
AWESOME!
You my friend are a poet of such depth and understanding that sometimes I find it hard to comprehend what you are writing about. Your poems are very thought provoking and I only wish that someday I could be more like you. Your words seem to have a sing-song effect to them which makes it all the more easier to read. I almost feel this is a religious write. God sheltering you from all the bad. He turned the world upside down to show you the way. Whatever your meaning my friend, this is a beautiful write, whatever meaning who is reading it takes. A job well done dear friend. Your friend in Poetry, Mysty Rain
-
as usual you have left me stunned. Im going to have to re-read and ponder this to fully appreciate the message but I am truly blown away. You got mad skillz gangsta
-
This has lovely rhythm and rhyme in it, flows so neatly off the tongue. Well done and good luck
C
-
Stephanie.
First, you're very pretty girl.
That said, this poem is pretty grand too.
I wish you all the best in this contest.
Love,
Jin
-
Not real damned sure I've ever read anything like this. Rhyme fits so tight- excellent!
-
I like the universal imagry. It makes it all so big and unknowing. Well done. I will read more. Thanks
-
Superb plus
Ah, a lovely write, for a star lit night. In the desert fast and deep, I'll see for light years before I sleep. -
This is a great poem, it transports the reader to the Heavens and back. I like how you mention Jupiter, the mythological element only enhances it.
-
i really enjoyed reading this it is very captivating and well written
-
Oh, I love this highly lyrical poem! Beautiful, gorgeous, remarkable--the downside: It is too short!!! as Oliver said: "More, more please!" I absolutely loved it!
-
You're a genius.
Few writers can succintly describe a picture to someone who is blind. You do that very easily. I don't know many who can adapt from one poem to another. You do that all the time. In eight lines, you capture the beauty and the mystique of God's work. I enjoy reading your work so much.
-
this is beautiful,
i'm left speechless.
the first two lines are - outstanding - they pulled me in and lulled me into the rest the poem. gorgeous imagery throughout! jupiter is one of my favorite planets, it's so pretty! i also really like the rhyme in this poem, it really helps with the flow.
best of luck in the contest you have entered!!
ElectricBloom
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
