Today I saw a butterfly
dying on the ground
beneath a dark and weeping sky
the faintest, saddest sound.
Goodbye my life, was all it said
no more to dream, to fly
the tiny body, broken, dead
my eyes begin to cry.
I walk away with saddened tread
at beauty now no more
my heavy heart in darkened stead
where softness once did soar.
In midst of deepest sorrow, my eyes behold the sky
I see the painted wonder of a newborn butterfly.
Author notes
Sonnet form.
A contest entry
- Verse Poetry - Form or Metered by Corey Harvard.
500 points, ended December 27, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Gotta have these.
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There are several versions of the sonnet as a form. It seems that 14 lines with some sort of distinguishable repeating rhyme scheme (except for the rare blank verse sonnet) and a structure of quatrains and couplet or octave and sestet along with a volta seem to be the basics. Regular metrical schemes have traditionally been the quality from which poets are inclined to depart when writing their less traditional sonnets, and so we see in this offering.
A certain lyrical quality to sound and theme keep this in the sonnet class. I had no trouble with the flow of the poem. To me that is one of the most important qualities of any poetry, especially for lyrical poetry. Without good flow lyrical poetry isn't. There are some choices made here that I might quibble about, but they have nothing to do with the form or the content which are just fine.
The narrative is compelling with a nice turn that reminds us that the end of a single life is sad, it is not the end of life or of beauty. -
Although this poem has the skeletal qualities of an english sonnet (rhyme scheme/14 lines/heroic couplet ending), it does fall a few feet short in terms of meter requirements (which is generally accepted as iambic pentameter). That being said, I care less about adhering to rules of form than most sonnet zealots... so long as the meter and rhyme are complimentary to the content.
But one more quick comment on form: within the realms of poetry, a ballad is a poem made up of four line stanzas with the first and third lines carrying four iambic feet (e.g. [today][I saw][a but][terfly]) and the second and fourth lines carrying three iambic feet ([dying][on the][ground]). In other words, it may be more accurate to call this a ballad with a variant ending than a sonnet? Just a thought.
While we're on meter, I'll have you know that you've got a solid grasp of it. The poem didn't stumble once. And that fancy ending you've got there makes it clear you have a melodic ear; it flows like a song. I have no complaints with meter.
The only thing working against you is that this poem might be too musical, which is always a risk you run against when writing in blanket iambs. Now, that works in the context of light verse and children's poetry, but in a lot of other scenarios, people are turned away from it (you'll get complaints like, "this is hallmark verse").
Of course, at the end of the day, the most important thing is that you're writing what you love to write. Keep challenging yourself. -
Oh how sad, but you wrote such hope and inspiration at the end of the endless cycle of life.
Best wishes in the contest.
Gaylene
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