This constant jolt of emotion
racing through my mind,
along with this burning
sensation of tears surging
through my eyes.
My tiny piece of
heaven, my little
bit of hope...
Interrogating myself
every moment that
I breathe; living in
memories that don't
belong; my-self
inflicted repercussion.
The numerous times
that I've been hurt,
and hurt myself, trusting
in nothing.
This is ....
My Lonely Side of Life
just like the past, because
nothing ever changes, not
even the simple details.
Author notes
WARNING. This contest is completely unexpected. By entering, you are agreeing to the following terms of us:
- We have the right to make you write in any form/style/type of poetry there is on this planet. We will literally murder ourselves sometimes by trying to find even at least one bizarre form. But, then again, you may have easy things too. Or maybe not. You never know.
- We have the right to make you vote for other contestant. You may have to vote other contestants out, or vote to give contestants immunity, or even vote them president, or never vote for them at all. Again, you never know. We don't know either.
- We have the right to eliminate as many people as we want. We may not eliminate anyone until like the second last round. Or we may eliminate almost everyone in the first round and have the contest super short. Again, you never know!
- We have the right to make you write on any genre. Monkeys from another planet, hope, hatred, beauitful underwear. Please don't enter if you are easily offended, as you may have to write on some touchy or controversial topics. Or, you may not. You just can't tell!
- We have the right to disqualify you if we are not pleased by your behaviour, or actions, or something with your poetry (though, most likely not the last one). Though, this is unplanned, you still need to be respectful.
- We have the right to be completely honest with your work. Whatever we say is only said to help you improve as a poet.
- We have the right to run this contest any way we want to. Because thats the way it goes.
- We have the right to throw any twists into this contest as we want to, especially if is for our own amusement.
- Mostly, we have the right to make you grow as a poet, and enjoy yourself.
I, The Void agree that I have read these terms of use and will hereby abide by the law.
A contest entry
- UNPLANNED: as unexpected as you [preliminary round] by Never Fall in Love.
400 points, ended December 22, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Thank-you for your entry.
Chandni and I have decided to accept your entry into the contest! Congrats!
http://allpoetry.com/group/info/UNPLANNED%20as%20unexpected%20as%20you?stay=1
Please join this group ASAP.
Also, please take any suggestions we have made into great consideration.
Thanks,
Ryan -
No
I think you have some potential for me - but you are going to have to be cliche.
Some parts had some strong potential, like the way you described your images, but then the images themselves were not creative enough to show poetic strength -
also, I feel like you needed a stronger poetic voice. The poetic voice came across as flat.
Work on these things, and I think I would like to see you next time try out
However, Chandni said yes, which mean we will be debating your entry, and if you are accepted or not
Please be patient. -
yes.
I was weighing heavy on a no. There are many different things that you can work on such as the depth of imagery as well as the wording of phrases. There was also some areas that needed originality - for example, many many people associate sadness with tears to the point that the word itself is a cliche.You do have potential that can be worked on, but you'll need to work hard.
Please wait on ryan.
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very good you expressed you emotions very well, and there was a good rythm
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Good piece. I liked how you linked your ideas, though the end of the fourth stanza seems a little out of place. Besides that, great write, I enjoyed it.
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first off, "suffucating" is spelled "suffocating".
I think the imagery of "this tiny sting of tears surging through my eyes" is strange. A sting is a quick little pain, so how could it be surging?
Also, I feel as if you could do without the capitalization of every word in the first line of the last stanza, but that's just my opinion.
Overall, not bad. -
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Well I capatilazed the first word of every new thought and that part has a meaning to the poem, but u were right about 'sting'
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well written filled with deep emotion vivid imagery paints a strong image this write captivates the reader~i think because it can be about most anyone in some way. thank you for sharing your amazing talent. keep writing! God bless you always
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This is an incisively written account of the loss of the "little bit of hope." While it expresses a feeling, a state of mind, which most of us have felt, I hope and pray that it is not really the way things are for you now. Please see my poems 'Deep Prayer,' 'Deep Song,' and 'Doom/Joy.'
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emotional
nicely written, though you mentioned hope, but it seemed to be gone by the end... where did it go? (sorry, I'm the eternal optimiist, ... hence the group). Hope always rises in the depths of despair. "sting" or "string" not sure which you meant. You did capture the emotion of being in despair. nice job - Kevin
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A good write.I think cutting out little words are important. for example "constant pangs of emotion" instead of The constant pangs. But it is great otherwise, I love the ideas behind it and you have written well.
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honestly raw
i like this - ou have sat with a pen and paper and just let yourself explore the part of us we all hide - our emotions are what make us strong our hurts are what we build apon..
well written, i love your use of expression
beka
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