Beauty is but a word, to define
the seduction in her eyes.
that light a fire in anyone
they gaze upon.
To define
the temptation of her curves.
that invoke thoughts of me
with her becoming one for
what will seem a blissful eternity.
To define
the intensity of her power.
Woman, bringer of life
to a world that treat her raw,
but still she carries on
and moves strong.
Beauty is but a word,
she is what makes it more,
she is what give it the meaning.
She is what gives it,
it’s brilliance
Without her,
beauty is but a word.
Author notes
a new friend of mine asked me to write her a poem and i did, but before i give it to here, i wanna know what you guys think about it.
i do plan to edit so any and all advise is welcome, or just drop a line and tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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This was a really good poem I think if you have not shown this to your friend then I am sure she will love it. If you have then I bet she did, anyway I like what is says in it without women we are nothing. Great work SH
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Amazing
I can tell how you feel about this girl with this peom...... I hope you keep writing for a long time, because there are thousands of girls that might happen upon your peoms and find the strength to get through the day
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passionate
this girl sounds great whoever she is your words are beautiful in explaining the beauty before u i like this alot ...she sounds like a good strong woman ...takes on to recognize one....sweetly written
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I'm going to have to agree with everyone: is sounds a little more than just "friendly." But, eh, you always treat your women like goddessed, friends or not. This is lovely, but not gushy and weak like lovely sort of implies, but strong in a sense and sweet.
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Grammatical
Errors are found in the following two stanzas:
"To define
the intensity of her power.
Woman, bringer of life
to a world that treat her raw,
but still she carries on
and moves strong.
Beauty is but a word,
she is what makes it more,
she is what give it the meaning.
She is what gives it,
it’s brilliance
Without her,
beauty is but a word. "
In the first stanza it should be TREATS not treat for it doesn't read properly. As well in the second stanza it should be "she is what GIVES it the meaning."
Other than those two errors, I see nothing wrong with your poem. What a lovely thing to do for a new friend. It sounds like she is much more than just a friend my dear... Kahy -
Lovely poem - Brandi is a lucky girl! A few typos but you'll find them with spell-check. I hope she likes the poem.
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An excellent tribute both hear felt and geniuine
As you revise check for typos i leave them all the time lol
also you may want to left align and try to even the lines out for uniformity.
But over all a good poem
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wow, this poem is hot! I am sure she will blush when reading this and love it
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this is absolutly gorgeous huni
dunno why i havn't seen it before tho lol...me lazy? never!!!!
keep em up dolll
xx.pixi -
wow
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Wow, that is one very lucky friend! Such a beautiful write hun, will bring a smile to any girls face. I can see no reason to edit this at all, it is perfect as is. Superbly penned!
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Damn, that girl's lucky if you're writing poems about her. Not to mention its an awesome poem.
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hu-WoW!!
hmmm, lucky brandi for such a recognition..
can you make one for me.. lol..
thumbs up.
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well poet
As the song goes.. Brandy your a fine girl. And such a lovely 0piece of poetry.
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aw such a cute write. I love it! keep up the good work pal!
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I think that this is perfect the way it is.. this is a beautifully written poem for your friend. you've done an excellent job here with this poem
mommy
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