sick
my chest
is
sick
god dammit
she
is only
small
once
A contest entry
- Loved Ones by Need For Redemption.
435 points, ended December 24, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your BEST short prewrites! by perfectsunset.
550 points, ended April 13, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Ooh, very nice write.
Emotion packed within
such small amount of words.
Good job!
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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such a strong meaning in twelve words... really good! i like it
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It's good but a little short. It leaves me wanting more. I was just wondering...who are you sick for? Who is she?
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thought provoking and to the point
12 words saying so little, yet telling so much.
Keep on writing for you have lots to say, share, teach and learn from yourself and others.
~Empty Days
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to compact the feeling of loss/sorrow so tightly ... structurally (12 words) and visually along the edge of the page really adds to this write. the constricting feeling of loss/sorrow is well expressed.
thanks.
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excellent,
you've put so much emotion into those 12 words, this also evokes alot of imagery.
short and simple, but to the point and powerful - a brilliant poem.
i truly enjoyed reading this!
ElectricBloom
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this is a complete random poem but there emotion in it and so much power from it wel done
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Powerful in its 'simplicty'. I like the flow of the lines and the absence of punctuation. I like the ambiguity I get from it
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It reminded me of a severely sick small child, or heartbreak. But I have no idea what I'm talking about. I love it.
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I happened upon it
And like a smooth cleaver it slipped mutely into me,
Spreading the entrails out into a neat device;
How simplistically catastrophic it is
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i like this
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cool
wow very unique poem
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i want the story too(:
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"she
is only
small
once"
I deff. like that.
I like this entire thing, though.
You showed alot of emotion in only a few words.
Great write.
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very good
there's this guy, nice guy, star kinda of guy
pretty sic, too
i'll tell him, if i see him about your poem
so he can identify -
wow this is really great.
id like to know what its about.
are you afraid of dying before seeing your daughter grow up?
id like to know the story behind this
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not exactly. it's a really long story...i may stick it in the author comments, but I haven't decided. If nothing else I will send you a PM if you like.
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...
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