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The Prettiest Picture You Ever Did See

You always pushed me,
in the wrong way.

Told me I was beautiful,
so you could destroy me.

I am a loose cannon,
pointed in no direction.

The worst kind,
I never knew.

So will you,
tell me.

Tell me,
how I should be.

Hang me on the wall,
And then watch as I fall.

I'm art,
Without the effort.

A contest entry

love the darkness, breathe the cataclysmic self indulgence

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Comments


  • traffic light gold member
    December 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is very true - that last couplet, I mean. I am sure just about every reader can relate to this. What I think could make this better is if you had correct punctuation. Also, stronger images. Besides those things, I enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing your poetry.


    • Gay-Militant
      December 21, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      whats wrong with my punctuation? Just asking. I accept criticism very well so please don't think i'm offended. I'm just always looking fora way to improve.


      • traffic light gold member
        December 22, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/g_comma.html

        That should help you with the basics of correctly using commas.

        As for your poem:

        "You always pushed me,
        in the wrong way."
        [you don't need a comma after "me"]

        "Told me I was beautiful,
        so you could destroy me."

        [you used the comma correctly here.]

        "I am a loose cannon,
        pointed in no direction."

        [that works too -- for me anyway]

        "The worst kind,
        I never knew."

        [no comma needed after "kind"]

        "So will you,
        tell me."

        [no comma needed here either]

        "Tell me,
        how I should be."

        [no comma needed here]

        "Hang me on the wall,
        And then watch as I fall."

        [The comma is fine here. I just don't know why you capitalized the "a" in "and"]

        I'm art,
        Without the effort.

        [You don't need a comma here either].


        In total honesty, you have to know this stuff; how to use commas. It is crucial to your writing - not just on this website, but in life in general [such as in college]. But it is something that can be fixed - and hopefully I've helped at least just a little bit.

        Thanks for asking; it shows me that you care about your writing.

        If you need any help, holler.



  • Heath Thompson
    December 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great last stanza Kevin. Best of luck in the contest.