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Evening

it comes in first as splintered moon
to chase shadows upon the wall


wilted by days -
lilac flowers, are seemingly hollow of color;
wait breathless for sunlight
in the middle of the far sill


I imagine the moon
will soon swallow them whole;
leaving us with nothing
to temper the Winter






A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • penchanted
    April 7

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    Beautiful

    the imagery in this is outstanding! You are an artist with your words painting your own canvas. This phrase is my favorite as it reminds me of my midlife crisis..

    "wilted by days -
    lilac flowers, are seemingly hollow of color;

    Funny how poetry can speak of the human conditon.. even if that wasn't it's intent...

    Jo


    • truembrace
      April 7
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      thanks so much Jo. I always love when a comment pulls us back to one of our own poems that we haven't visited in some time and go, "oh yeah, I did write that" - as though it were someone else's, then we smile at its familiarity like and old friend.

      thanks for that


  • Rovingone gold member
    February 16

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    Hollow of color, wait breathless for sunlight, the moon swallowing them whole. It is such a weave of metaphor and imagery. You created another picture.


  • sheltered
    January 14

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    like how you used the title to begin the poem
    love the ending.. great consonance...
    but why harden the winter?
    being Canadian
    I have had about enough of it
    lol


  • JazzALTernative silver member
    December 15, 2008

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    Well written - image of splintered moon reminds me of wood block print (art deco-like). Perspective moves near, mid-range and far. Lilacs make a perfect foil for shadow of evening - the color of sleep, not struggling against it.


    • truembrace
      December 15, 2008
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      Thanks so much for your compliment and reading 'between the lines' to see the shadow and color of this.

      Kim


  • The Fun House silver member
    December 14, 2008

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    Gorgeous and I love that you've really used your poetic skills to find an enchanting balance with metaphoric qualitites. Bravo


    • truembrace
      December 14, 2008
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      Thanks so much! The prompts given helped me get out some of that sleeping muse - or at least shift the focus of writing to a poem I would not otherwise have written.

      thanks again...

      Kim


  • Cat gold member
    December 12, 2008

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    I imagine the moon
    will soon swallow them whole;
    leaving us with nothing
    to temper the Winter

    wow.

    m

1 - 10 of 10