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Heard You Were Afraid of Me...

Heard you were afraid of me.

Saucy, saucy, dripping
movie lines  like poetry, like

this
    that
drop
      off your tongue.
Cliche pre planned?
Portraits of what you are,
demon, drunken party flicker,
web cam quality.

Reverse.

He's afraid of you,
just wants one thing.
One, one thing.
Just that....just-just....

  Get away from me!
I'm trying to say my words are
jumbled in my head and now we're moving
so fast.

Sped up.
Blurry footage of four things in one,
so simple an infant could grasp it.
Not dramatic.
Fall like feather
silent
see you laugh


  My eyes are glittering and echoing in the old shadows
of what
you
used
to be.

It all makes sense now. Free association, twirling
bees nest.
It stung.

My throat was raw,
horror movie noises...
it sounds like that when people die.

I can't hold it back

Jumble. Jumble.
You didn't do it right.
215 times correct randomization
burnrottwist in hell.
I hate you.

I pity you.

Unclean motives
different motives.
Not caring. Hare.
I hate you.

Knock away wrought blade folding chair near, scream, band, blood, black and white,
barely there, get away from me.

This can't be it.
Its not over.
It doesn't matter.
Leave it.
No.
Turn again.
Bang. Dominoes.

Are you there?
Pickuppickuppickup
?

Crazed, crazed
c-r-cr-a

I'M NOT MAKING
SENSE.

Shutting
        down.

Crash. Blue screen. The words are used thrown

The most immaculately flawed.
Scream
Count till three?

....like that?
like that.

heard you were afraid of me.

Author notes

About Columbine. Though confusing, in my eyes it made perfect sense as I wrote it.

A contest entry

whatever you want

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • RealitysAStory
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    I absolutely love the format and the roundabout ending. Very insightful, inspiring... Kudos kudos kudos. Thank you for sharing and write on. Good luck in the contest.


  • ladyhelenaofsorrows
    February 20

    Edit | Reply
    I love this! The scattered, seemingly random bit's of powerful imagery come together to create a brilliant portrait of pain. I'm adding yo to the finalists' list, truly excellent piece!
    -Lena

  • septembers late
    February 19

    Edit | Reply
    brilliantly written! nothing i can think of at the moment would do this poem justice. keep up the good work!


  • Captain Amber SL
    February 19

    Edit | Reply
    Messed up, jumbled, you can hardly understand it because of the way you've structured it. This would kill the appeal of other poems, but because you're writing about insanity, it works brilliantly with the theme of the poem. I especially like how you made one part of this poem in the shape of a drop to represent the drops that are coming off of the subjects tongue.

    One thing I would have changed in your poem, though, is the lack of exclamation points. I think that these would have added just a little bit more emphasis, and made the poem that much better. For example, instead of writing:

    "This can't be it.
    Its not over.
    It doesn't matter.
    Leave it.
    No.
    Turn again.
    Bang. Dominoes."

    You could have placed a few exclamation points in there, and depending on where you placed them, you would have emphasized different points, as such:

    "This can't be it!
    Its not over.
    It doesn't matter.
    Leave it.
    No!
    Turn again.
    Bang! Dominoes."

    Thank you very much for entering my contest, this was a brilliant way of starting my contest. I wish you the best of luck, and keep writing and improving your poetry. ^__^

    Aeris Silverlight


  • Luciferschild
    February 18
    Edit | Reply
    nicely written and very abstract, thank you for entering and good luck


  • HereComesTheSun
    February 15

    Edit | Reply
    Positive: what an amazing write allthough long and i normally skim i read it all the way it read was so clear and the pace being changing was just an awesome read i really enjoyed "so simple an infant could grasp it. "

    Negative: i have no clue what this is about

    thank you for entering


  • sanguigno
    February 14
    Edit | Reply
    wow...

    thanks for entering!


  • spirit rising
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    wow, never read anything like this in this style and it is awsome, so much imagery and emotion flowing at an imence speed throughout the whole peice, very gripping,
    i will be checking out more of your writes very soon


  • LilEmoPrincess
    January 28

    Edit | Reply
    its a great poem from 1 so young
    unfortunelty its over 50 lines long and it dsont exacly cheer me up which is what i designd my contest to do. so DQ


  • mum2jay
    December 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    Can hardly believe ur only 14.
    This is awesome...great stream of consciousness going on here.
    Keep writing


  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry

    Hi there

    I don't know what your intent was here, but it was brilliant, whether it made sense or not. Excellent use of imagery and devices, as they kept my ADD mind entertained for quite a while

    This made me think of someone with a mood-disorder, like schizophrenia or dementia, with intense visual/auditory hallucinations. Definitely a creepy feel to this, but it was perfect!

    I look forward to reading more from you! If you have any questions or concerns, please ask away

    Write on!

    Laura
    Site Greeter

1 - 11 of 11