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Fragile Beauty

 

she remembered half an ocean
and swam in half a grave
as the memories rocked around her
on a sigh


here her heartache-smiles were risen
from soft buoyant sprays of light
as the sun fell green
and the corals sang on high


with that cold embrace around her
she was warm when she could cry
and the tide, it mattered more
than others knew


for the depths of all her feeling
twined the twilight in her eyes
and the kiss that promised sunrise
faded blue





Author notes

This is dedicated to Christina. It felt like it could keep going forever, so I decided to leave it thus. To me, it is a brief tribute to her poetic/melancholy nature, one that I have grown to love.

In a list

A contest entry

Critical Review Desired

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    January 29

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    This is so beautiful. Congratulations on your gold and on being selected for the book.

    ♥
    whisper


  • Lyndon gold member
    January 16

    Edit | Reply

    Lovely cadences.

    This free verse is cleverly crafted using two rhymes for pairs of final lines and the stanzas are uniform yet natural.
    Dear Winkler, how glad I am to see that you will be published. Congratulations, Ron.


  • Mad As Rabbits
    January 6

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    This is such a beautiful piece, full of outstanding imagery and depth! Like wow, you really knocked it out of the park with this one.


    "as the memories rocked around her
    on a sigh"

    These lines actually made ME sigh, haha. But really, they're lovely.

    Great opening, even better ending, breath taking from start to finish.

    Love Always,

    Caroline


  • ea silver member
    January 1

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    I absolutely love the subtle use of intertwining endline rhyme that you employ at the end of each stanza. This is a lovely read and I am pleased to see it in the finalist list for the book.


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    December 31, 2008

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    This is truly beautiful and so lyrical in quality and tone. It simply sang. Excellence on a page - as I have come to expect from your fine work. Wonderful to feel this one inside. Such a gift you have given. ~Pamela


  • Skybow silver member
    December 31, 2008

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    "she remembered half an ocean
    and swam in half a grave"

    Loved this poem, these lines stood out for me. Such a strong, attention grabbing, way to start this poem. It had great flow, deep and heartfelt.


  • Never Fall in Love
    December 15, 2008

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    Another brilliant write, if I didn't know better I'd be jealous of her

    But if this could have kept on running, you chose a perfect end. The crazy play on the colours were eye-catching!

  • the sepia vitamin
    December 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh Marty. I think that had I been lying on my side to read this, there would have been a tear or two that would have trickled out of an eye; it's easier for me to hold them in when I'm sitting up, but I still have quite the goosebumps. I love this, soooo much. It's... wow. Yes, a side of me that not all know, but you are one of the ones who does. F7 ♥. Thank you so much for writing this.


    (and yay, you managed to write again )


  • Ryno
    December 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I see Christina in the heart & soul of this piece. Amazing

1 - 9 of 9