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The beauty of mourning





There's something about morning -

       how it pretentiously promises
              perfect Polaroids

and purposely paints

the promiscuity of 'u' away.

You left half a shadow,
      shards of shame
and the complete mess
   of a coward -

 

And still

you're stuck

with psychological incest
            and an infamous reputation
                of internet whore.

Oh yes,
there's beauty
in broken colors.



 

 

Author notes

I honestly do hope you see the wordplay here.

Leander - most recent write on AP (braindamage)

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • love.elizabeth
    August 10
    Edit | Reply
    Alot like your previous entry, though still reasonably good. Thank you for entering.
    Sophie

  • OurxBeginning
    May 20

    Edit | Reply
    A very blunt and bittersweet poem. I liked the diction and the set-up. This is my favourite stanza -

    "You left half a shadow,
    shards of shame
    and the complete mess
    of a coward -"

    Very profound.

    Thanks for entering and good luck.


  • Paloszoo gold member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    Fantastic use of alliteration and creative form. Nice job. Love the theme! Thanks for entering my contest! Good luck! I'm honored to have you show your work here!


  • Flowergirl
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    very nice work i love it keep it up.....there is beauty in broken colors i love that stanza very nice...


  • Poetic Tasha Moderators member
    March 4

    Edit | Reply
    word play? what word play? just teasing hun,
    brilliant write - great use of alliteration and all...
    love the last lines --- broken colour - nice image.
    dikke knuffel

    love, light & laughter
    Tasha


  • Brlsbb
    February 26

    Edit | Reply
    i think this is one of the most powerful pomes i have ever read i love the color imagry
    "You left half a shadow,
    shards of shame"
    these lines are so powerful.. wow i was amazed this is beautiful.


  • TabbyCat
    February 13

    Edit | Reply
    I don't completely get this...but the word choice, the alliteration, the fantastic flow that carried me throughout...are all worthy of accolades. Thanks for the entry. Loved the ending...the tone was unique and haunting.


  • Stevie.me
    December 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good but you didn't follow the rules

    You didn't follow the rules of the contest
    The rules said no swearing .

    It's a shame too because it was a good poem


  • morgana raven Greeters member
    December 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The alliteration in this poem was astounding. It really makes it memorable. The last stanza is a brilliant ending. Very well written.
    Thanks for entering.
    Laura.


  • film noir
    December 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Damn, this was stellar.

    I enjoyed the alliteration in the first stanzas. I actually read that bit aloud and entertained a lot of cousins in the room.

    The closing, in my honest opinion, isthe best morsel.

    Anywho,
    Best of Luck in the Contest!

    - Aly


  • Age of Rain
    December 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    'psychological incest'

    damn.


  • TankA
    December 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a punch of emotions striking back with avengance. I feel this is one of those poems that was written quickly with emotions backing up each and every word with strong screams. Fantastic. Evidently the hostess agrees.

  • Zephyr the Red
    December 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was a rather interesting one..
    Loved the alliteration <--- Found the word!...


  • Heroesrox silver member
    December 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really like this poem! Good job and good luck in the contest!


  • Celticmoon
    December 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    *cricekt*


  • Nicolette gold member
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    - good to see you writing like this again...loved the last stanza!!



    ~ Nicolette

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lee, critically the only thing that I didn't really like was all the alliteration -

    otherwise the piece really is stellar


  • stasis
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I do see it, and I love it.

    The pain and anger in this piece is very tangible, and I think we can all relate to it in one way or another. Whether or not we know what happened, we can take this and reflect it back on something that has happened in our lives, with someone who has done us wrong.

    I like that a lot about your work. Very nicely done, glad to see you're writing again.



    ♣ Tegan


  • Debbie Hansman
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What I felt was pain when I read this.

    These words really effected through me.

    You left half a shadow,
    shards of shame
    and the complete mess
    of a coward

    My heart went out when I read this....maybe it is because I am going through alot myself lately....but I sure could relate to those words.

    You words expressed heart felt deepness.

    debbie


  • righteousme
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    And still

    you're stuck

    with psychological incest
    and an infamous reputation
    of internet whore.
    ...

    and i get the word play ...


  • Mari Goes gold member
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I see hurt, still...stuck there...

    The second last stanza isn't as good as the others, it kind of brought the poem out of balance.

    I kind of dislike the use of alliteration that makes me spit when reading the lines out loud, man you abused of the power of p's

    The other thoughts, well you know how I think about, IF this is still about the big J (J to jerk)

    I saw a beautiful full moon two days ago, the night makes the gray of the day fade away


  • Metaphorist
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a masterpiece! The alliteration here is awe-worthy and I adore the wordplay in the title. You have a way of taking a raw emotion and making it refined and composed. One of my favorites by you! Hope to see more of this.


  • catz Moderators member
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Brilliant, Leander !! And oh, yes, the wordplay is there, subtle, understood, rich meaning.

    A sad but lovely poem, written as only you can write it. The last stanza is poignantly hopeful.

    Excellent job here,
    Merry Christmas
    Dee


  • poetryality silver member
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the eye candy of words with alliteration as their sweetness. Although the first stanza rings Longing and absence, it feels wonderful to roll these words off the tongue.

    Your next stanza spits anger on the page with eloquence and sure thought. The third stanza is hurtful and stuns the heart. There is too much abuse in the world for me. I can only cry, I can only pray...

    It is good to read the last line. Makes me think that you can and will move on.



    Much Love Always ♥

    Renee

  • piggyback
    December 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I do see the word play. As well as the imagery. As well as the emotion. This is damn brilliant.

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