Have you ever listened
to the silence for so long,
that the vacuum
started to sound like
the crashing ocean?
His steps weren’t
the last thing I heard,
and neither was the
door frame trembling as
the wood hit it.
It was the silence.
The silence that sounded
like a void of starless black;
silence that felt like
blood turning to concrete;
silence that
echoed as inky waves
crashed against my
entire life.
Author notes
Edited thanks to helpful suggestions.
Anymore? All appreciated!!
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Have you ever listened
to the silence for so long,
that the vacuum
started to sound like
the crashing ocean?
Great stanza there, and the beginning of a great piece. The picture also captures the stark loneliness. Nice write.
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I just had a thought. Maybe instead of "I have" being between each stanza, just at the end.
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Good
For effect...and this is just personal taste, I would try to find a way to use the line "I have" between each stanza. As is, the two words just hang out there like wearing one shoe and the other foot bare. This is an opinion. I also found the the introduction of "He" was sudden. I'm not sure why. I really think you have a great piece here though. I am just expressing my inital reactions. -
ewww ahhh I love the imagry in this piece I can feel your sadness displayed through out the write. very very well pen'd keep up the good work!
best of luck to you
andi
(redhanded) -
This is a really really sad poem but a very amazing write!
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inky waves ... nice ... this piece was sad but in a very well written way ... thanks for sharing ...
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Brill
Really enjoyed this - I felt the loss. Beautifully written and expressed, but I do agree with the thought that you don't need the empty 'and the' in the last verse as the sense remains and becomes stronger without.
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I really like it. The only suggestion I have is to cut the words "and the" from the last stanza. I think it will give the stanza a little more impact. You have a great description of the silence.
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Thanks for the great suggestion. I've cut both because I couldn't ditch one and leave the other...
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Breathtakingly beautiful. Bravo Poet!!
Mariana
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Silence and the sound of a single heartbeat. That empty roaring in your ears -- the air seems to freeze and it becomes work to breath. Down to the bone marrow numb when it is difficult to move. Just that and nothing more.
This is excellent and it gave me the shivers -- wow. Too many memories.
Garrison
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Very powerful writing. In my own world of 'silence' I always am a bit taken aback when it is associated with pain, with leaving, with heartbreak and sorrow. However, just because I do not know your silence does not mean I don't know how much of an impact you have created here within the poem. This is extremely well written, and as always, you have given me something worth reading over again. Love, Lane
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I think it's more the connection of having someone there to argue with and then they're gone and you're lost and in an unfamiliar silence. It's just because we're used to hearing things that the silence is unfamiliar and often this unfamiliarity causes fear and pain. Thanks for your comment
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you are so right...God, been there more times than I want to count
I know that if I could suddenly hear, I would be lost in the unfamiliar, too. 
It's a good poem. You are one of the young writers I keep tabs on xxoo
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Cool!
You have a unique style here. I like the initial break, but I think additional punctuation might help. -
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Thanks. I've added a couple of commas here and there but I don't want the punctuation to take away the enjambment in the poem. Thanks again.
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