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Elle

Elle

You were there in my dream.
As if time was an Elm,
and could whisper your name,
across that Rehobeth beach.
I should be a Park Slope brownstone.
Miss Korea smile at a Maryland fete.
Your lies cut like fingers.
Such an Ephesian bridge.
Couples converse under lamplight.
She was gladiator. I was dead.
There's no trace of you, or, where you've been.
A bright field in August.
You cried. You cried. You cried.
This space is a requiem.
One said holiday. Beach sand. Indifference.
Fur-wrapped shoes. You put on lipstick, like Percodan.
I'm sure that you were really a dot.
Crow prints across Mansard hollows.
Scratch out the corner.
These Hassidic phantoms.
One was judgment.
One was smoking a cigarette.
One was a market-place.
What did you say Rachael? You are so far off.
A stigmatic psalm, heads for sea.
I am nothing now. I am ash.






















                                                                           
                                                                                                     


A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Danna Hobart
    January 3
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this left me with a hollow feeling. Well done! Thank you for entering.


  • Ryno
    December 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank-you for your entry.

    Chandni and I have decided to accept your entry into the contest! Congrats!

    http://allpoetry.com/group/info/UNPLANNED%20as%20unexpected%20as%20you?stay=1

    Please join this group ASAP.

    Also, please take any suggestions we have made into great consideration.

    Thanks,
    Ryan


  • Never Fall in Love
    December 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    no.


    me and ryan will discuss this. Please wait on our decision.


  • Ryno
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Yes

    I think the punctuation and short sentences worked. They kept me reading and gave it an intensified feeling after the second half.

    I loved each and every one of your images - they all progressed the story in a different way... except for one phrase "I'm sure that you were really a dot." ... I don't think that really made sense in the context anyways.

    Really though, the emotion was fantastic. I loved this write.

    Please wait for Chandni.