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Blood in his Hands

lying breathless in a cold pool of my own
still as the tomb upon my fathers grave

cries are echoed from above
"medic!"
"medic!"

he stands over me
my blood in his hands
the look of death upon his face
crying with no intent to stop

pierced through the chest
it weighs so much
i try to force a smile
pretend ill be okay
its not that bad

it does no good
he knows whats happening
each beat grows more and more faint
"don't let this hurt you"
i say with my last breath

anger floods through his veins
his eyes glossed with a film of vengeance
"ill get them brother"
he says as he steps aside
"my mission has been delayed..."

i was his best friend
brothers until the end
all that is left to say
is my father saw two sons today

Author notes

brother works =]

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Heroesrox
    March 23

    Edit | Reply
    This is really good! It's sad, but grand. Keep up the awesome work and thanks so much for sharing this with us! Keep up the greatness!


  • HugsForEveryone
    February 25

    Edit | Reply
    wow!! This was very painful even for me to read! I understand it well because I have had so many loved ones in my life die. You explained every detail nicely and it had a great flow.

  • 8

    Hmm, I like where you went with this, I won't lie. But I definitely think you could add more and make it more lengthened. It was well written with definite talent and potential. Thank you for entering. (:


  • spaz queen
    December 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow thats realy good


  • Paloszoo gold member
    December 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, very powerful piece. Well written. Thanks for entering my contest. I'm honored to have you share your work here. Good luck!


  • Short but cute
    December 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Love is alot. Great job Brother


  • Puking Faerie Dust gold member
    December 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This has a good story to it, but I felt the execution was lacking. Imagery (show, don't tell) helps a lot. It brings the readers into the world that you're seeing when you write this, it helps them feel what you were. Simply stating something in a conversational/journal entry type manner makes it hard for people to really delve into your poem. Thanks for entering


    • jake0715 gold member
      December 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      i know, imagery is a big thing but its not rly what i wanted here. thx though

  • xSuicidexDreamx
    December 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow. This poem is so deep. The emotion in it is amazing.

  • XxLoverOfDarknessxX
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    aww jake, this is such a good poem! i loved the emotion and sadness. i can visualize this in my mind. this is your best poem yet, and it took my breath away. Very inspiring Jake; i love reading your poems. keep up the good work!


  • CrunchyMarshmallows
    December 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is a very good poem. I love the power of emotion. Very Good.


  • Zeprina-Jaz
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    NOOOOOO!!! That is so sad!! The ending is perfect, but... not fair. Very powerful. Sadly profound. *pouts*


  • xXCadyBabbiXx
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I swore I commented on this before...
    this is really good, Jake...you have outdone yourself here.
    There is some very real hardcore emotion in this, very dark and raw.
    Some hidden meaning that only you would know.
    I like the subtle flow in this piece.
    This is your best write yet, good job XD



    ....happy?

1 - 13 of 13