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Money Engulfs Me

Money engulfs my soul
like honey engulfs a bee.
It makes me quite giddy.
The more I gather,
the happier I become.
Look at all it buys!
Ooowee!
But where will my soul end?
Can these things set me free?

A contest entry

I'd like some feedback.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Janice M Pickett
    January 4

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    cute hehehe We need money because it is the way of the world to barter. So the more we have the better the barter. God didn't want us to be poor and suffer he promised us abundance and wants us to have enough to live right. Its the greedy that show no consideration of respect for others he is dissapointed in. Strong souls can be rich or poor it makes no difference. It is wrong to believe to be prosperous is wrong in Gods eyes, it's quite the opposite. Great poem. Well done.


  • Desire gold member
    December 26, 2008
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    Oooooooooooooh~

    Aaaaaaaaw now this is Precious and Love how You took this prompt
    Love the whimsical nature of this also the tight rhyme
    Bravo!!
    I also Appreciate Your visit to my work
    Thank You for sharing Your Humor and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet One
    Best wishes in the contest too
    with much love & light~ Desire~*~


  • The Fun House silver member
    December 14, 2008
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    I thinks this is a really cute piece. One small suggestion; I would not use 'engulfs' in both the 1st and 2nd lines. Other than that, it is great as is and I really dig it.