Stood alone in this darkness
My head hung down low
A blond curtain falling to shadow what view there is
A river of blood flowing
A marked path of red
Running slowly from a black hole
A hole ripped out
Something that penetrated so sharp
Burning
Tearing
Searing
A flow of river from my eyes
As I stare at the heart in my hands
With a heart beat once more
Before it stops
On fallen knees I look up
Pleading in my eyes
You stood there all fine
Why my love why
My voice a whisper in the dark
Did you have to make me do
Make me tear this from its place
My heart that belonged to you.
With a last scorching breath
I fall before you
My eyes gazing out
Pain
Loss
Loneliness
Before my heart rolls from hand
To stop before you
Just like you did before
You step
You squeeze
What life remains.
Author notes
http://firstfromhell.deviantart.com/art/Bloody-Heart-48463184
A contest entry
- Suicide Silences by xXCadyBabbiXx.
400 points, ended December 13, 2008, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what ya think?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
nothing..and this is the last step..this is the last result..what is the point to go further without the love and its joy..very touching work..
-
well written expression of dark and deep sorrow from loss. i feel you may have state all of the emotions in words throughout the poem, "loneliness" "pain" etc. where perhaps your images or some additional images would suffice better. the lines of holding a dying heart say to me more than all of the single direct emotion words could. just a thought. regardless its well constructed and well recieved. good job
-
-
Thanks.
Thanks for your opinions, I shall take this into account when I do another poem.. and I feel that within this poem I come from different points of views to relate to many but glad it is well received. Thanks.
-
-
Oh my goodness
What a write here well being through a broken heart myself it would sure be a good way to describe such pain for it does feel like it has been ripped out and you hold it and watch it die in your hands .Bravo this is truly a very deep write indeed
-
This is dark, very dark, and so lonesome and sad! Such heartache, I wish I will never expirience that, ever!
Well written poem and well chosen words, I wish you the best of luck in the contest!
-
-
Hmmm
You never want to feel this way, it hurts and is sooo very painful. Be super glad you dont if ever feel this way. -
-
Well, comes in handy to never have a boyfriend
-
-
Lol, so true and in a way your lucky, you may miss some things but it is safer
-
-
I'd rather miss it all as long as I am safe
-
-
Mmm
Maybe so but sometimes in life we have to take the risk but it is all upto you at the end of the day
-
-
-
-
-
-
wow.
there are no words for this piece.
this is great. -
-
:O
Thanks? lol....
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
