Glittering.
Shining, sparkling, like the ocean
And the sky
And eyes
And the light in her room.
The light that moth fluttered by.
The moth that lived on the day she died.
Glittering like the light
And eyes
But not her eyes.
Not anymore.
Author notes
Option 1, I suppose.
I wrote this poem shortly after I read the book Kira-Kira. I'm sorry if it doesn't fit the options, but I thought you'd like to read it all the same. Again, I apologize.
A contest entry
- Kira-Kira by owlish.
900 points, ended December 16, 2008, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one; [&my weakness is that i care too much♥] by innocence jaded.xx.
1200 points, ended January 18, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Well?
Comments
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I like it, but I think you could add more. It was a very well written poem, I just think you could've expanded it. Congrats on the silver. Thanks for entering (: -
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I agree. I tried to add once or twice, but I could never keep the tone the way I wanted it, so I ended up leaving it alone. I'm glad it was worthy of silver. Thank you!
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awesome
congratulations on the shiny
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Thanks, I'm very happy. ^-^
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This is BEAUTIFUL. I love it. Thank you so much for your entry! Fits well with the book. Short, but amazing. Very bittersweet. The ending is so sad... best wishes!
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Oh, good! I'm glad you liked it. I'm not so into short poems, but as of late I've been writing them more. Thanks for the silver!
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i never read that book but i will look it up, this is a great poem, i kind of like it, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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Kira-kira is a great book. You'd love it, the ending is just perfect.
Thanks for wishing me luck!
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You've been up to some good work lately and this is no different.
"The light that moth fluttered by."
This is a killer line that adds that bit of gritty, visual motion to the distanced feel of the preceeding lines. Just a great, great, great call.
I really don't know how to describe my emotional reaction the poem. It bears a certain bitterness, a certain curiosity and a definite sense of loss, especially with the end of it.
Again and again, good work!
Blessings,
C
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Thank you, Demington.
I didn't really think of it that way. There's a part in the book where the main character's sister has just died, and she looks up at the bedroom light and sees a moth that was there before the death. She thinks it is so unfair that moth gets to live and her sister does not. That image, of her looking up at the moth, was so powerful to me, it inspired the poem.
Wishing you well,
N -
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Hmm. Your inspiration is good stuff. Very interesting.
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